THERAPIST THURS: I Don’t Want My Kid On Devices All Summer Long!

Wow, for lots of us, summer vacation is here or a short week or so away! For some parents, this means a break from the daily grind and some relaxation time. For others it means childcare issues and difficulty getting our own stuff done. But for ALL of us parents, it means trying to figure out how to create a situation where our kids are not just playing video games or on devices or social media all day long! How can we accomplish this without daily conflict? Here are some tips that can help tremendously… (more information on this can be found in this article)

1. Require that screen time be earned. This can be done by requiring reading, chores, or other responsibilities be completed prior to screen time. I’ve worked with parents who have created a daily list of items that must be completed prior to screen time, including things like spending a certain amount of time doing something creative, requiring physical activity, completing chores or other responsibilities, reading, etc. For the last several years in our home, we require that kids read to earn video game time. This can be done at a 1 to 1 ratio (one hour of video game time for every one hour of reading) or at any ratio the parent thinks is appropriate. We currently require one hour of reading for two hours of video game time.

2. If reading will be a requirement in your home, take the kids to the library once a week. Spend several hours there allowing your kids to browse the books appropriate for their age and then some time sitting and reading. We are lucky enough to have very nice local libraries that have inviting places to relax and read for a bit. Doing this can create an interest in books and in reading and allows your kids to see the variety of interesting reading material out there. It is very possible they may discover a genre or series that catches their interest that they would not have otherwise discovered.

3. Create a family “summer bucket list.” We did this last year and put it on the refrigerator. Everyone in the family was required to come up with three to five items to put on the list. Ours included things like having a bonfire at the beach, taking a family bike ride, going on a hike, going to dog beach, sleeping in the backyard under the stars, going to the drive-in, and flying a kite. We paid attention to the list all summer long and, though my older kids complained about making the list initially, they all ended up planning times to do the activities on the list. I think they even secretly looked forward to some of them!

4. Have the kids participate in some of the household responsibilities they wouldn’t partake in during the school year. If your kids have more time for screens during the summer, then they also have more time for a few responsibilities. One thing we did recently that turned out to be enjoyable for all was have each of our children be responsible for a family dinner. The kid had to plan the menu, find the recipes, come with me to the store to buy the ingredients, and prepare the entire meal. We required their siblings to help with the preparation, with the one kid whose meal it was being in charge. I was quite surprised how much pride each kid took in serving the meal. It taught them not only some lessons about how to cook, but I think it increased their understanding of what is done for them by their parents on a daily basis. And most important, it gave them a sense of pride and a feeling of capability that can only be earned through hard work and commitment to a project! You can also make your kid responsible for certain household chores. In addition, they can participate in things like doing their own laundry; or at least helping with their laundry if they’re not old enough to do it all themselves. Definitely make the kids responsible for clean up after dinner. We implemented this with our older kids a few years ago, though it is often difficult to accomplish during the school year with so many activities taking people to different locations during the week. But the slow down of summer is the perfect time to have the kids do this chore. When we implemented it, I was truly surprised at how much conversation and cooperation occurred between my older children. I heard them having discussions about random topics they normally don’t take the time to engage in. And that time allowed my husband and myself to sit calmly at the table after dinner and chat on our own. It is definitely a win-win for all involved! And your kid knowing how to properly clean a kitchen is a good life skill, and also increases their self-esteem and sense of capability.

As you read these suggestions, you may be thinking, “well these are great, but it will be a nightmare trying to actually implement them as my kids will complain and argue with me about it.”

It may seem challenging to get your kid to comply with the new expectations; but I will tell you that, if you set it up right, it is not actually that difficult.

You may experience some push back initially, but once your kid knows you mean business and will not tolerate it, he or she will quickly become compliant. The key is a few things: make the expectations and consequences clear; make compliance with the expectations the kid’s responsibility, not yours; make your words matter by follow through with actions; do not tolerate disrespect.

These issues will be addressed in part 2 of this series next week.

In the meantime, start working on what you want the expectations to be in your household. Talk with the kids about what they will be in a manner that does not feel punitive. And stay tuned for next week’s article on how to implement these items with more cooperation and less push-back from your kid.

Rochelle Whitson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. She can be reached by email at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.

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