THERAPIST THURSDAY: Mother’s Day: How to Choose the Perfect Gift

...something that will really be special to her. Here’s how to know what that is…

In determining what to give another person as a gift, we often think about what we would like to be given. In showing love, we typically do the same. For example, if someone doing things for us makes us feel loved, we are likely to show our love to others through these acts of service. Which is thoughtful, right? The problem is, the person doing the receiving may not interpret these actions as actual displays of love. This is because we tend to interpret the actions of others as what it would mean if we were to do that action. And the same applies to gift giving.

So, in determining what that special mom in your life would like, instead of thinking what would make you feel special and thinking that same thing will make her feel the same, you will have a greater likelihood of getting her something she will cherish if you instead look at how she shows others care and love. This is addressed in a book called “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. The concept is that we all interpret love differently and we all have our own unique “love language”. When we can understand the love language of our partner and show them love through THEIR love language instead of through our own, they are able to feel loved more easily. The same applies to gift giving.

I encourage you to take a moment and think about how the mom in your life shows others that she loves them. There are five different ways identified. If the woman in your life is always cooking for others, if she does your laundry or makes your lunch, if she is willing to drive you wherever you need to go or always buys those snacks you love so much, it is likely that her love language is ACTS OF SERVICE. If this describes the mom in your life, a gift that also shows service would likely be very appreciated. Maybe you give her a coupon book full of things you are going to do to make her life easier (as long as you actually follow through with doing those things). This mom is likely to view the time and effort you put into making her life easier as a true display of love that will make her feel cherished.

If you have a mom who is always telling you how she feels about you, who lets you know that she is proud of you by saying so, if she writes you special notes and puts a lot of words in the cards she gives you, it is likely that her love language is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. If this describes the special mom in your life, giving her a card that you spend time picking out, that perfectly describes your relationship with her and feeling towards her will be a cherished gift. In addition, adding your own words to that would mean the world to her. Do not just sign the card with a few words, but rather take the time to describe your feelings in a detailed and thoughtful manner. It is my guess that this card would be something she is likely to keep forever. In terms of a gift, a framed poem about motherhood or her role in her life would be something very valued to this mom.

Does the special mom in your life love to buy little gifts? This may be your favorite makeup or those clothes she knows you’ll love. It may be a surprise package that comes just because. If this lady enjoys giving presents, her love language is likely RECEIVING GIFTS. This mom would love any gift that is something she likes. That could be a service like a massage or a pedicure, some jewelry, flowers, or anything she has had her eye on but not purchased for herself.

If that special lady in your life loves to give hugs, wants to cuddle a lot, and shows how much she cares by touching your arm or sitting close to you on the couch, her love language is probably PHYSICAL TOUCH. For this mom, being sure to sit close to her, giving her lots of hugs and touch on Mother’s Day (and other days as well) is likely to make her feel very special and leave her feeling very happy at the end of the day.

Does the mom in your life enjoy spending time with you? Does she comment on the amount of time you spend together and make an effort to get together with you if you haven’t spent time together lately? If her idea of a nice day is doing something with you, even if that is just running errands, her love language is likely QUALITY TIME. This mom would love a gift that involves an experience with you. Consider getting her something that involves the tow of you spending quality time together. It can be a gift card to her favorite restaurant with a note that says a time and date you and she will go together. It could be a pedicure or a spa day together. If you combine an experience she enjoys with the promise that you will do it together, she is likely to think that your gift is one of the best she’s received.

So, in determining what to get that special mom in your life, take some time to reflect. Think about what she does for the ones she loves. Consider the words she says when she’s discussing connecting with you. These are hints into how she thinks and what fills her up. It is the window into what makes her feel loved and connected. Using this as your guide to help you find the perfect gift that caters to these needs is likely to make her feel very special. And after all she has done for you, isn’t that the goal this Mother’s Day?

For more information about love languages, check out the website www.5lovelanguages.com. (This site is a reference only and is not associated with Ms. Whitson or her therapy practice).

To check out last week’s article on What to Give Yourself for Mother’s Day, click here.

Rochelle Whitson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. For more articles like this, please subscribe to her website www.meetme4therapy.com.

Ms. Whitson may be reached by email at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.