THERAPIST THURSDAY: What Does Your Teen Struggle With?

they also have to deal with challenges that are unique to this generation. So, what are those issues exactly and how can we help our teens cope?

I recently did a presentation on self-esteem to a group of freshman high school girls. I asked the girls to provide me with feedback prior to the presentation on what they felt were the biggest issues impacting self esteem for them and their peers. The top items stated were: social media, peer pressure, body image, and pressure to be perfect. I think that peer pressure and body image issues have been present for generations, but they have some unique twists nowadays that makes these issues even more challenging. Then add to that social media and pressures for perfection that didn't exist for previous generations, and the result can be teens who struggle with issues of anxiety, depression, and low self esteem.

· SOCIAL MEDIA

I am so thankful I did not grow up in the age of social media. This presents so many different challenges to teens today. There are images that are ever-present of people living the “perfect” life and people looking eternally beautiful and picture-perfect. In addition to the messages this sends to teens about what creates happiness, there is also the additional pressure of creating a certain image for yourself, feeling like a failure if you don’t have enough followers or likes, and the potential for bullying. All of these things add additional stress to teens in an already difficult developmental time.

· PEER PRESSURE

We’ve all experienced this! The pressure to do what our peers are doing. The pressure to be “cool” or to fit in. The pressure to conform. Today, this applies to issues such as vaping, doing drugs, smoking week, being sexually active, and being popular. Due to social media and other unique communication methods that didn’t exist prior to this generation, this pressure is even more. It is felt stronger and in an ever-present way due to these advances in technology.

· BODY IMAGE

This is especially impactful for teen girls. The belief that one’s body is not good enough, the belief that we must look a certain way to be accepted. The message to dress right, wear makeup right, and have the right body type are all over and teens today are bombarded with them. In our day, these messages existed in magazines, on TV, or on billboards. But these days kids are constantly exposed to images via social media, YouTube, different apps, and the internet that send a message that unless you are the way they say you are “supposed” to be, you are in some way inferior. Made up concepts such as the “thigh gap” make girls feel that there is something wrong with you if you don’t have a certain body type. Pretty models have always existed, often making us feel like we don’t measure up in some way, but now teens are exposed to these images in a manner that doesn’t allow for a break; they seem to be ever-present. In addition to that, filters and body changing apps create images for the “regular” girl that are not accurate either. Don’t like your nose? Think your thighs are too thick? Want to have perfect complexion? Don’t worry! You can fix it with an app. The problem with this is that teens are then comparing their real selves with the false selves presented by their peers via these filters and alterations. I’ve worked with teens obsessed over getting a nose job, starving themselves to get that “thigh gap”, criticizing their less-than-perfect complexion. All because the images they see, not just of celebrities, but of their friends and peers, are also altered to the point of perfection.

· STANDARDS OF PERFECTION

Teens today experience pressure to be perfect in many ways; academically, athletically, how they behave, how they look. Some of this pressure is applied by the teen themselves due to the messages discussed above. And some of it is due to the culture that currently exists in both the academic and the sports world. In my opinion, there is an extreme lack of balance currently in both of these arenas. Teens and parents are given the messages that unless they get at least a 4.2 GPA, they are failing in some way. They have the sense that they will not be able to get into college, have a good career, or compete in the professional world. Parents are often just as confused about this and feel the pressure as well, and in turn often give their children the message that they must perform at that level. This is not a problem if the child is capable at that level, but for the majority of the population, this is an unobtainable goal. And for those for whom it is obtainable, often the anxiety that goes along with feeling that they must perform at their top capacity at every minute is exhausting. And then there is sports. Our kids start competing at the top levels at very young ages. They spend many hours per day practicing and have very little free time. Many kids feel the pressure to be an elite athlete. The days of playing a sport recreationally are a thing of the past. Kids put a great deal of pressure on themselves to perform perfectly one hundred percent of the time. If they have a bad game, they have great difficulty putting that into perspective, to them, their career in that sport is now in jeopardy. This pressure is leading to anxiety and depression levels in our youth that are at record numbers. Very often I get a parent requesting therapy for their kid for anxiety, but then, ironically, the kid’s availability is so limited that it’s virtually impossible to find an open hour in their entire week. When this happens, I know just where to start in reducing that kid’s anxiety!

Being a teen today is tough! There are many pressures and responsibilities. Being a parent of a teen is no easier! We are all trying to find our way in this structure and figure out how to do what is best for our teens. I encourage all of the parents of teens out there to talk to their kids about these issues. Ask specific questions. Find out what their pressures are. Ask them how you can help them navigate them. With all of the changes happening, one thing remains the same, that the most well-adjusted kids are the kids who get their emotional needs met. As parents, we may not get it all “right” all of the time, we may have to make adjustments in our journey and figure it out as we go; but if we keep the lines of communication open, if we don’t pretend to know it all, then we can figure it out WITH our teen, and we can help them find their way in this new and confusing world! And we can share the burden of all of these struggles.

Rochelle Whitson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. She can be reached at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.

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