THERAPIST THURSDAY: Will You SPEND TOO MUCH This Holiday Season?

The list of who to buy for seems never-ending. The only problem is… our income is NOT never-ending! So… how can we bridge this gap so we aren’t paying off credit cards all the way into next summer? Here are a few tips…

Set a pre-set budget

Before you spend one dime, decide what your overall budget should be. When doing this, don’t use the criteria of what you’d LIKE to spend, but use the criteria of how much you can actually AFFORD to spend total. Then make a list of each person you will buy for and set a budget for each of them. While doing this, look at that list and determine who REALLY needs to be on it. Are you spending unnecessarily on people who maybe should just get a card from you? Are you spending too much on people you barely see or with whom you don’t really have a close or ongoing relationship with? If the answer to any of these questions is “yes”, consider re-evaluating your list all together and making appropriate adjustments. I’ve found that over time, maybe a person who it was once appropriate for me to buy for, is now no longer a significant part of my life, and it may be completely appropriate to downgrade them from “present status” to “card status.” Keep in mind that if we continue to collect people to buy for over the years, as we go through different stages of our life, eventually the list will be out of control. As new people enter our lives and become more significant, maybe those who used to be very significant are not so much anymore. This is just a reality of life. If the people in your life are caring and rational people, they will understand the change.

Once you have an overall budget set as well as individual limits, be sure you STICK TO IT! One way to greatly increase the odds of you staying on budget is to create envelopes for each person on your list and put the amount of cash in the envelope for their budget. Once the cash is gone, you are done with their list. This is something I highly recommend doing, at least the first year that you try to stick to a budget, if you are at all concerned the budget may just be numbers to you that may not be adhered to. Psychologically, it is much more significant when we spend cold hard cash than it is when we simply swipe a card. It helps us to stop and think about if this is really worth the money we are going to spend and if it is an item we want to use the budget on. It is very helpful to watch the cash amount get smaller in each envelope as the spending occurs. It makes us all more mindful of what we are actually spending. Retail companies know this, which is why they make it so easy to spend mindlessly. I know for me personally, buying something on Amazon is way to easy to do. With one click, the item is purchased, without even thinking much about the cost. Using finite cash in an envelope that we can see really helps put it all in perspective!

Make a list of what you intend to purchase each person

And the estimated cost. Once you have your budget written down, write down each item you purchase and the cost. Then keep a running total. This will require you to be mindful of what you are spending, to notice what you have the money to purchase and what you do not, and to budget for the must-have items, possibly eliminating some of the more frivolous or unnecessary items that we tend to purchase as “fillers.” You know what I mean, that item that ends up on your kid’s floor but is never actually touched?! Having that pre-set list will help you to avoid those unnecessary purchases that will not really be appreciated anyway! It will also help with the impulse buying we all so easily do, and that the stores rely on us to do! This is why things are merchandised in the way they are in the stores during the holidays, with the cute things that we would never think of or actually use right on display in front of us as we enter the store, on the end caps of the isles, and in the check out lines. The placement of these items is meant to encouraged impulse buying and increase the store’s overall revenue. And it is a very effective strategy that does just that! But making a list before you enter a store and then sticking to it, will go a long way in helping you be smarter that the store and keep you in charge of your spending!

Do not allow yourself to impulse buy!

The stores are counting on this! Everything about how they place items and design websites is done deliberately as a result of their studies on human behavior. They are trying to outsmart us! Don’t let them! Learn how to be in charge of your money instead of the stores influencing you. A rule that can solve this problem is to not allow yourself to buy anything this time of year without thinking about it for 24 hours. And I mean anything. If it is not already on your list or in your mind BEFORE you enter the store or surf the internet, you DO NOT BUY IT until 24 hours have passed from the time you first think about the purchase. They will make you believe that if you don’t buy it NOW, you won’t be able to. And they do this because they are banking on your impulsive decision to buy the product. They know that if you wait, you are not near as likely to make the purchase. But set this rule and stick to it! Your bank account will thank you come December 26!

Be creative in your gift giving

• Give the gift of experiences:

If you were planning to take your family on a ski trip this year, include the cabin rental as part of their Christmas and have them open a picture of the cabin on Christmas morning. Include the equipment rental as part of their Christmas presents or buy them some ski pants (that you would have had to buy anyway).

• Buy things for the holidays you would be purchasing your family anyway:

If they were hoping for a new $50 hoodie the next time you go to the store or an expensive new pair of shoes they “can’t live without”, include this as a Christmas present. Doing so will not only help with the budget, it will also reduce the sense of entitlement (in kids especially) as it will help them understand that even the things you buy when it’s not the holidays cost money and are privileges to have, not rights. In my household, there is always socks, underwear, and at least one pair of pajamas under the Christmas tree. Yes, these are items I would buy my children anyway, but they are also part of their Christmas presents and they have come to understand that this is the case.

And, of course, remember that the holidays are not ultimately about gifts. It’s about being with those we love and that matter to us. So, create traditions that have nothing to do with gifts. Enjoy time together, do things that are interactive and enjoyable, and make these experiences the focus of the holidays. Set and stick to a realistic budget and teach the young people in your life that it is the people who matter during the holidays, not the things!

For more information on handling holiday stress, please read the previous articles on being too busy and family stress in this series.

Rochelle Whitson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. She can be reached by email at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.