The DS Dilemma

Before I had children I had all of these ideas in my head about raising them.  I had some amazing examples of how to do it right, and some not so amazing examples that probably taught me even more.  I was going to be a great mom. My kids would be breast fed because that's what is best.  My kids wouldn't dare be picky eaters because it is rude.  They would go to bed early because more sleep is good.  They wouldn't watch too much TV because most of what is on it is trash.  I'm willing to bet most "pre-moms" felt the same way at some point.

Then I had them.  These amazing tiny people that cannot exist without you.  They need everything from you.  Although I thought at the time it was terribly difficult, I am now finding that those were the easy times.  The times where you could just hold them and they were happy.  You could feed them and they stopped crying.  That was how simple is was.  And that's when all of my "ideal mom" ideas came crashing down. 

The breastfeeding stopped pretty quickly.  My daughter was vomiting 5 times a day at 5 weeks old.  4 weeks and one heart surgery later, I resigned myself to formula.  Could I have kept it up throughout all of that and breastfed her after surgery?  I guess I could have.  I could have silenced all of the critics that were not too afraid to vocalize their gentle disgust towards my insensitive decision to deny my child what was best for her.  I could have pumped 8 times a day for 4 weeks instead of holding a very fragile child near death in my arms and praying for her.  I could have been stressed out and anxious about doing what was best instead of giving her what she needed... a stable mother. With my son it was going to be  different.  Those "expert" voices convinced me I was a bad mother for not trying hard enough the first time.  5 weeks later I resigned myself to the fact that genuine love and formula would be better than my little boy staying with me in a mental institution.  I had failed miserably at one of my "perfect mom" goals.

Onto eating.  I fed them EVERYTHING... and they ate it.  They were happy little eaters until this funny little thing happened.  They developed a mind of their own.  I have friends that have managed to overcome this in their kids.  Their kids eat anything, and they seem to enjoy it.  Those were supposed to be my kids.  I tried everything short of actual starvation with my daughter.  I tried the "If you don't eat this you won't eat" trick...  she didnt eat.  She could skip two meals and just wait for breakfast.  I almost started serving dinner for breakfast just to make her suffer...  That is when I realized that she is more stubborn than me and it wouldn't work.  It is a game that I wasn't going to win, and I was okay with it.  My son, if not for my daughter, would eat anything.  So I figured I half won the war on eating. 

Onto sleeping.  This, I could handle.  both of mine were great sleepers from birth.  8 hours after 6 weeks.  Finally I was good at something.  Other than My daughters constant waking after my son was born and my son's incredible ability to need the bathroom at 2:47 every morning I was doing great.  I am proud to say that our bedroom is our bedroom.  There is an occasional nightmare or the arrival of Dad after a long trip that lures them in ...  but other than that I feel succesful on one front... Yet there are those critics that shutter at the thought of me sending them out crying when I tell them to go back to bed.  Apparently I am damaging them.. but I am sleeping..

The last battle is constant.  The TV...  I, as everyone else knows, know that the TV really has no positive attributes other than keeping them quiet and subdued.  In those moments of sheer exhaustion when nothing else works, the TV does. Oh, and it shows kids all of the toys that they don't have and somehow now "need."  Because of this, we don't have cable.  Why on earth would I pay 80 dollars a month to increase my childs whining?  The only cartoons they watch are on PBS and netflix.  No commercials makes for less greedy children.  Not having cable has made it easier, but they still watch too much.  Way too much...  but I feel as if this is something I have somewhat under control (not really).

So that was it.  That was all I had to worry about and I have done fairly well :)  That is until I started letting them out of the house.  I have not done as well as I had hoped and then God decided to throw in the Nintendo DS.  Everywhere we go I see them.  At friends houses, at the pool, in Stop & Shop, at restaraunts....  They are EVERYWHERE!!  This is where I will not lose...  My kids are drawn to them like flies are drawn to.....  you get the point. They insist they will have one some day even if they have to beg their Grandmother.  I get why kids have them.  They are magical little boxes that quiet them down and make them sit still.  They make a car ride bearable.  They make waiting a non issue.  They give a child with social issues and out.  This may sound insensitive, but I have a child with social issues, and somehow I don't think allowing her to opt out of society and opt into a screen is going to help her.  She is happy behind the little screen.  Her anxiety dissapears and she smiles...  so I should just get her one right?  She would be happier.  I could take her anywhere and do anything and she could just flip on the switch and zone out. Happy child equals happy mom right?  Well, I have decided on this one.  Her ultimate happiness is more important than my immediate happiness.  My discomfort in the process of helping her cope with life isn't close to the discomfort she will feel if I just let her ignore her surroundings.  I love her too much to allow her to "opt out" of life.  It may sound harsh and judgemental of me to be so bold about such a little thing, but is it little?  I would dare to say that it is even bigger than breastfeeding, or picky eating or sleeping...  I know some will disagree with that, but consider just for a minute why you let your kids sit behind a portable screen.  Is it for them?  Or is it to make life easier for you?  I am drawing the line on this one.  Bring on the whining, the answer is no....