Helping our children grow up to be capable adults

One of the best gifts we can give our children is to help them grow up to be capable, self-reliant, independent adults.  Some of the tools you learn in Positive Discipline parenting classes can help!

A child should be encouraged to do whatever they are capable of at their age.  For example, most three year olds can scramble an egg in a bowl (not cook on a hot stove though!).  Kids can also put their dirty clothes in a basket every day from a very young age.  If we do these simple things for them, we are indirectly telling them they are not capable, and they become more and more dependent on us to do things for them. 

I am as guilty of doing things for my kids as many other parents.  In the past few years, I helped our adult sons job hunt.  They are more computer savvy than I, and knew what they were looking for.  However, because I wanted to help, I searched and searched, sending them link after link to potential jobs.  Did this help them?  Short term, yes, it gave them job leads.  Long term, no.  My doing the work for them did not build their capabilities.  My doing it for them indirectly communicated that I did not believe they were capable of doing this themselves...wow, this is certainly the opposite of what I intended!

Since learning about Parenting the Positive Discipline Way, I have talked directly to our sons, explaining that I had made mistakes in the past doing too much for them - essentially over-mothering them, all with good intent and love, but over-mothering nonetheless.  I explained that I am here to help them problem solve, but not to solve their problems.  I now ask questions to help them explore their options.  It is amazing what they are capable of, now that I encourage them to try!

I have learned so many great tools that have profoundly affected all of my relationships.  If you would like to learn more, please come to a free introductory class or sign up for a six-week parenting class - visit www.positivedisciplinewesternct.org

Next free introductory classes will be held:

Wednesday, July 31, 7-9PM at Brookfield High School Media Center, pre-registration required to carol@positivedisciplinewesternct.org

Wednesday, August 21, 7-9PM at Brookfield Town-School Office, 100 Pocono Road, Room 133 Curriculum Room, pre-registration required to carol@positivedisciplinewesternct.org

Positive Discipline of Western CT promotes and encourages the development of life skills and respectful relationships in families, schools, and businesses in our local communities. We will provide classes to parents, caregivers, educators, and youth development workers, teaching how to raise a child using Positive Discipline skills.