How many of us have dreaded the start of school? The morning battles when they are young over what's for breakfast or turning off cartoons. The morning battles when they are older over getting out of bed, or getting out of the house on time to catch the bus. The morning battles when they are teenagers over where they will be after school, and getting their homework done before hanging out with their friends.
The school year (and life in general) can be much smoother if you decide on the limit, or rule or guideline in advance. Whenever possible, this should be discussed during a calm time, when everyone is level-headed. As children get older, involving them in the process will increase their buy-in and follow-through.
Right before it's time, let them know the limit is imminent, by saying "one more minute" or giving a nonverbal signal that you've agreed on in advance, like pointing to your watch.
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So now, your child is testing the limit and not cooperating. What do you do? Empathize, state the limit, offer a choice. Some examples of this:
Example: Your child is playing with a train set and bedtime is at 7:30 p.m.
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Empathize: I can see that you're having a lot of fun with your trains. The battery-powered one is really cool!
Limit: And, it's 7:30, so it's time for bed.
Choice: So would you like to take a train up to bed with you or put them into the station to sleep?
Example: Tween or teen has agreed to start their homework after a 30-minute break of computer games.
Empathize: Wow, this game looks intense. It must have been challenging to get this far! I can see why you would rather do this than homework!
Limit: And, your 30-minute break is over, so....
Choice: Would you like to save your game or just start over next time?
This is one of the many tools you can learn and practice in our 6-week Parenting the Positive Discipline Way classes. If you would like to learn more, please come to a free introductory class or sign up for a six-week parenting class - visit www.positivedisciplinewesternct.org
Next free introductory classes will be held:
Monday, August 19, 7-9PM at Brookfield Library, pre-registration required to hilarybenami@gmail.com. Geared to parents of Tweens!
Wednesday, August 21, 7-9PM at Brookfield Town-School Office, 100 Pocono Road, Room 133 Curriculum Room, pre-registration required to carol@positivedisciplinewesternct.org
Thursday, August 29, 7-9PM at Brookfield Library, pre-registration required to hilarybenami@gmail.com. Geared to parents of Tweens!
