The long term results are that children usually adopt one or all of the four "R's of Punishment":
1. Resentment - They feel, "this is unfair. I cannot trust my parents."
2. Revenge - They are thinking, "they are winning now. But just wait. I'll get even."
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3. Rebellion - They are deciding, "I'll do just the opposite of what my parents want to prove I don't have to do it their way.".
4. Retreat - They will either get sneaky, "I won't get caught next time", or have reduced self-esteem, "I am a bad person".
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Children are not usually actively aware of the decisions they make in response to being punished. However, think about the result. For example, the child who feels less self-esteem will act like a bad person. Or, your child may become more sneaky, trying to fool you and escape the punishment.
With punishment, you, the parent, are controlling the child's behavior. Isn't what we as parents really want to have our children learn to control their own behavior?
So if not punishment, then what? Positive Discipline. It is not humiliating to children or adults. It is based on mutual respect and cooperation. It incorporates firmness (setting boundaries) and kindness (mutual respect). Children are more willing to follow rules that they have helped establish. Through this, they become effective decision makers with appropriate contributions to the family and their communities.
If you would like to learn more, check out our fall class schedule at www.positivedisciplinewesternct.org.
Positive Discipline of Western CT promotes and encourages the development of life skills and respectful relationships in families, schools, and businesses in our local communities. We will provide classes to parents, caregivers, educators, and youth development workers, teaching how to raise a child using Positive Discipline skills.
