Or, are you the parent that sets clear rules for everyone in your house? Your kids are safe and secure because they know exactly what to do and when to do it. They do things because you are the parent, and they should do what you tell them to do.
In Positive Discipline terms, the first approach to parenting is called being permissive, where there are no limits. There is total freedom, and no order.
The second approach to parenting is called being strict, where there is excessive control. There is total order, with no freedom. when a child misbehaves, and you punish them, they will respond for the moment, and then the behavior will happen over and over again.
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The Positive Discipline approach to parenting is when parents are kind and firm at the same time. There is freedom with order. Children can make choices within limits that shows respect for everyone.
So here's an example from my home. I am a Mom that fluctuated between permissive and strict. One of our children was a fussy eater, especially at breakfast. So on mornings when I was being permissive, he would ask for waffles. I'd make waffles, and he would then want scrambled eggs. I'd make those, and he'd then want Cheerios. And on and on and on. On mornings when I was being strict, I would have breakfast out on the table, no choice. It always became a fight, with my son storming out without eating, often in tears. Neither being permissive nor being strict worked!
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If they still lived at home, here's how a morning would look using the Positive Discipline approach. My son would do something to make a contribution to the family breakfast routine, such as setting the table, or putting the toast in the toaster. If it were a cereal day, I would give him limited choices, "would you like Cheerios or Rice Krispies?" Given the choice, some mornings he would still be late to the table, and complain that the cereal was soggy, and that he couldn't eat it. My reply would respectfully be, "I'll bet it is", with no lecturing. I would then reassure him, "I'm sure you can make it to lunch". Over time, there would be less breakfast struggles. Limited choices combined with respectful responses work over time.
This is one of the many tools you can learn and practice in our 6-week Parenting the Positive Discipline Way classes. If you would like to learn more, please come to a free introductory class or sign up for a six-week parenting class - visit www.positivedisciplinewesternct.org
Next free introductory classes will be held:
Wednesday, September 4, 7-9PM at Greenknoll YMCA, pre-register by emailing mariannepathways@aol.com
Tuesday, September 10, 7-9 PM, Brookfield Library. email carol@positivedisciplinewesternct.org to pre-register!
