Darien Residents Ask For Pride Flag To Be Flown At Town Hall

DARIEN, CT — Over 20 residents gathered outside of Darien Town Hall on Monday evening ahead of the regularly scheduled Board of Selectmen meeting with a simple message for town officials: fly the Pride flag.

The rally continued during the public comment portion of the meeting in which residents asked the board to vote to hoist the Pride flag at Town Hall for the remainder of June, which is Pride Month.

Some speakers recounted their experiences of being part of the LGBTQ community and said the flying of the Pride flag was an important and symbolic message that the town supports inclusivity.

The Pride flag has been a topic of conversation at times in Darien, especially after the selectmen approved a town flag policy in November 2022 that only allows the flying of the American, Connecticut and Darien flags on town-owned properties, like Town Hall. The Pride flag had flown there in past years.

When the policy was first unveiled, some residents felt it targeted the LGBTQ community and specifically the displaying of the Pride flag. Dan Guller, chair of Darien Pride, protested the policy by walking to Town Hall throughout the month of December.

After the policy was approved by a vote of 3-2, First Selectman Monica McNally, and Selectmen Jon Zagrodzky and Marcy Minnick — the three Republicans members — said there were other ways to show support for causes and groups, like showing up to events and rallies and displaying flags on private property around town.

McNally said the town needed a policy for guidance since there had been many requests to her office for different flag-raising ceremonies.

Monday's rally was organized by Randall Klein and Goody Gray. Klein is the former chairman of the Darien Democratic Town Committee and is a founder and chairperson of the Action Network of Darien Democrats.

Gray is a nearly 30-year Darien resident and a former member of the Representative Town Meeting.

"Since the Board of Selectmen adopted a government-only flags policy last November, I have become increasingly concerned that Darien is out of step with other educated and privileged towns surrounding us in Fairfield County," Gray said, noting that Greenwich and Fairfield, both Republican-led towns, are flying Pride flags this month.

Bridgeport, Weston, Ridgefield, Easton, Norwalk and Stamford are also flying the flag in June, Gray added.

Darien issued a proclamation in support of Pride Month on June 11, but Gray said that wasn't enough.

"It does not replace the show of support that the Pride flag represents for all who live in town and come to our town to see," Gray said. "At a time when the LGBTQ community is under attack across the U.S. and around the world, we need to show our support now more than ever before."

Jess Batson, who grew up in town and attended Darien Public Schools, told the board that the flag allows those in the LGBTQ community to feel seen.

"I'm a transgender woman," said Batson. "It's incredibly hard to speak right now in front of people in positions of power refusing to put up a flag that symbolizes support for other people like me, whether they're out like I am, or in the closet still — the symbol that it represents makes us feel seen. That's a lot. When you grow up in a town such as Darien, you don't feel seen."

Maggie Ramsay, who graduated from Darien High School in 2022, just completed her freshman year at the University of Southern California where she played on the lacrosse team.

One of her team's games was designated as a "Pride Game" in which players wore rainbow-colored gear and special shirts. Ramsay said it was one of the best nights of her life.

"Representation matters in every form," she said. "I had never felt so seen, so safe and so heard."

Ramsay said she was subjected to bullying in high school because of her sexual orientation, and she hoped to make a positive impact for younger students in similar situations.

"We're moving backward. Not flying a Pride flag anymore sends a message for our LGBTQ+ youth that they do not matter, that their identity and place in society do not matter... That's what you are telling them," Ramsay added.

Rachel Taylor, chair of the Darien Republican Town Committee, took issue with the pre-meeting rally that was held outside.

Taylor said a Pride flag was deliberately draped over the veterans' memorial rock in front of Town Hall.

"I have absolutely no issue with the freedom and right of anyone at all to assemble and speak in public, but I really surely do take serious issue with those who would drape their cause over the honored memorials of those men and women who died for their freedom to do so," said Taylor, who called on the selectmen to review security camera footage and determine "who commissioned such a despicable act."

"The irony that any group would cover up a Civil War veterans memorial on Juneteenth of all days is unbelievably brazen, selfish and insensitive. You have effectively dishonored the very soldiers who died in service to ending slavery, which we should be rightfully celebrating their accomplishment and their memory today," Taylor said.

"I think we should endeavor to unite and respect all citizens of Darien, and I would hope we could agree that supporting one cause should never, ever, ever come at the cost of infringing on the respect of another."

Darien resident Ric Grefé, a Vietnam veteran who served two tours in the war zone, told Patch that the intent of placing the flag at the memorial was not a political statement, "but merely the desire to display a flag where we had gathered," and it served as "an appropriate gesture" during a time in which Memorial Day, Flag Day, Juneteenth, and Gay Pride celebrations are observed within close proximity of each other.

"I believe it was an inadvertent but appropriate gesture to reflect our appreciation for all our service men and women as well as the broader encouragement that was intended to signal tolerance and acceptance of all people within the town of Darien," Grefé added.

The Board of Selectmen did not discuss the rally or take up a vote on flying the Pride flag at Town Hall.

In a statement to Patch on Wednesday afternoon, McNally said that while the intention may not have been to disrespect the memorial, "the act inadvertently affected the solemn nature of these memorials."

"The monument stands as a heartfelt tribute to our history, honoring the selfless sacrifices made by many. As we strive for greater inclusivity and equality, it's essential that we respect the legacies of all our community members.," McNally said.

McNally applauded those who spoke publicly during the meeting, and said their stories underscore the importance of an ongoing community dialogue.

"It's important to clarify that the existing policy allows only the display of government flags on town properties and in no way implies a lack of support for the LGBTQ+ community," McNally said.

"On the contrary, I believe the United States, Connecticut and town of Darien flags embrace all members of the community and that the most impactful way to demonstrate our backing of any group is through meaningful participation in community events and staunch advocacy for fair treatment of all residents.

"I want to stress that our town’s strength lies in its community- in the diversity of our residents and in our shared commitment to mutual respect and understanding. While our policy limits the types of flags flown on government property it does not limit our capacity for support and inclusion. Let us continue the dialogue and nurture a town that is welcoming to all."