Enfield Mom Pens Heart-Wrenching Letter In Son's Obituary

ENFIELD, CT — Justin Bernal of Enfield died unexpectedly Sunday at the young age of 36. He had battled addiction for much of his life, and his struggle to overcome his demons was openly and eloquently written into his obituary by his mom, Robin.

She included a narrative about the devastating effects of addiction, and concluded with a heart-wrenching letter she wrote to him, but never delivered, after seeing him at his birthday celebration last week. Those words are published here, with her permission, in the hopes that even one person can be helped by them.

"My funny, happy-go-lucky, caring, beautiful and loving son Justin died Sunday morning, but not from an overdose or alcoholism as I always imagined the reason he would leave me and this earth. Justin was my only child, my reason for living, and my everything. I loved Justin with all my being, heart, and soul.

"In my mind and with a heavy heart, I'm happy knowing that he didn't die of an overdose or alcoholism, but we all know Justin could have many times. Justin's body could not handle any more of what he was doing to himself and his body. We've ALL struggled with something in our lives, and Justin's unfortunately was an addiction.

"Justin successfully completed many rehabs, but unfortunately, the craving that comes with or from addiction was more than he could overcome. Each time he came out of rehab he always, always had a different perspective on things and always wanted a better life than what he was living being addicted. Justin struggled with himself and his demons, and I struggled every day as a mom watching him struggle.

"The worry I had every day for him, as he was my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night, is unfortunately replaced with a deep feeling of sadness and loss knowing I'll never see him or his funny self again. I'll never hear him say 'I love you and miss you every day mom.' I know he loved me and I surely loved him. I was proud to be Justin's mom. I was his number 1 supporter.

"If you know a loved one or anyone for that matter who is struggling with addiction, please support, encourage, and try to help them. If you are an addict, reach out for help; if you attempted rehab many times and you relapsed, who cares - try again and reach out again. Everyone's life matters, even a life of addiction. Addiction tears you, the addict, and your families apart. He lost friendships and relationships from so many that he loved.

"Like all of us, Justin just wanted to be loved. There were false hopes with periods of sobriety after treatment, only to be followed by relapse. Those addicted are full of hope with a promise to never do drugs or drink again. In the end, Justin's addiction got the best of him. Justin completed rehab so many times, but the craving that comes with addiction was more than he could overcome.

"If you or someone in your life is battling addiction, reach out to them, show you care, and lend a helping hand because at the end of the day, the kind, supportive, encouraging words or help you give to them may just help them beat their demons and turn their life around. So many lives are lost every day with addiction.

"To anyone battling this horrible life, this is a reminder that there are people, friends, and family that love you. Never ever be ashamed to ask for help. Justin's battle, demons, struggles and sadness have ended, but he’s in God’s country now, hopefully happy and most of all healthy and at peace with himself!

"My message to all of you is to be kind to people no matter who they are or the situation they are in. You never know what any one of us is going through. Kindness is free, sprinkle that it everywhere.

"I was lucky enough to see Justin and celebrate his birthday last week. After seeing him looking so unhealthy, this is the letter I wrote to him that he never received from me:

Champ,
Yup, a letter from your Mother and trust me I know your eyes are rolling right now, saying to yourself, 'here Mom goes again.' First of all, let me start by saying how much I love you and I will forever love you. However much you hate when I mention or bring up the conversation of your drinking, we get into an argument but that's okay, because I'm your Mom and that's what I am supposed to do. I wish, hope, and pray every single day you would stop drinking. I know the choice to do so is yours and yours alone, but I as your Mom can wish for a better life for my son. I have watched and witnessed how much drinking has taken control of you and your life. I have heard doctors say to you and me that if you do not stop drinking, the alcohol will end up killing you. It's a disease you are battling with and living with, but it's a terrible feeling for a mother to go through, wondering if I'll get a call that something happened to you. It's scary, sad and I feel very helpless. The only person that is going to change you is you. Sure, I’ll continue to be there for you, always, and do what I possibly can for you but motivating, changing, doing all that you can do for you is all you! It saddens me that you are in a place where you are just so unhappy and have been for a long time. Everyone deserves to be happy, everyone. Things for you are not where you want them to be or where you expected them to be at your age. Life doesn't come with instructions Champ, so every day is a new day! A new beginning, a new start. We all make mistakes and learn from them. I really thought as an adult I had it all figured out, but in reality, nobody has life figured out. We all at the time choose to do what is right for us at the moment. Every day I am still learning and try to do better and be a better person. Yes, even at my age I try! Sure, do I wish some things in life our life could have been different, absolutely but don't we all feel that way. I realize it is easy sometimes to hang on to all the negative things that came across our life and we all seem to forget the positive things, but there is a lot of positive you have to offer this world, Justin. When I look at you, I see a good person. Not because you are my son - I genuinely see a good kind-hearted, caring soul that would do anything for anyone. Your heart is huge, you're caring, thoughtful, gentle, and kind Justin. I do hope when you think of your sadness, brokenness, fears, demons, and maybe confusion that you see yourself as I do. You are a good person, but you are allowing your darkness and demons to control and ruin you. You and I have been through a lot together Justin. We were the Mom and Justin duo. Life wasn't always fair for us, but we always managed and we managed together. Certain things in life have to end so better things can begin. As long as you are alive, there is hope. Even at 36, or 59, there is always hope for a better tomorrow. Life isn't easy like I said, and it surely can't be easy if you are struggling with addiction. As a person who has never struggled with drug or alcohol addiction, I can only speak from that perspective. My insight into your world is only through observation. I do not wish to walk in your shoes, but I can tell you what it is like to walk in mine. Disappointment and hurt are as much a part of living as joy, happiness, and love. Hurt is the same for those with addiction as it is for those without. The difference is how we react to and cope with our emotions, whether they are good or bad. I don’t know what drugs do for a person with an addiction to help cope with disappointment. I don’t know how drugs heighten the joy of happiness. But I do know that my life will never be the same without you in it. Please try and stop drinking for your mother, but most of all. please make the effort for you and your health. Okay, you can stop the eye-rolling now because I’m done, but I do want you to know that I love and miss you every darn day. Oxoxox

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