OPINION: Community, Where Are You?

This essay on aging was written by Tom Kelly, who grew up in north-central Connecticut and lived there for many years before moving to the Midwest. The opinions expressed in this column are strictly his, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Patch Media.

Community.

Mom was there for her community for 30+ years holding down the job as secretary to the Town Manager. Until her retirement, she was one of a few people who preserved a continuity of government and service to the community as the Town went from one manager to the next, one mayor to another and one town council to another. She was a “go to” person when people needed to get things done and would take great pride in helping others.

When I was a youngster, mom set up an office in the basement where she worked with a group of friends and colleagues. Together, they coordinated the fundraising efforts to relocate a large donated farmhouse to a lot where it would later be converted to a home for troubled boys (Friendship House).

As an officer for The United Way of North Central Connecticut, her endless efforts to serve others were greatly appreciated.

Mom cared a lot about the health of her community and served on the Board of Directors at Johnson Memorial. She served an active role for many years working to keep the hospital afloat.

Mom was also very active in her church, I believe she served on the Church Council and would never miss a choir rehearsal or performance. Mom was a proud singer.

Yes, Mom also had a social life. She loved to meet with a large group of sorority sisters in town who loved to go on trips to the casino or other locations. I think they all went to Ireland together.

Mom was not a Saint, she was bull headed and always wanted to be in charge.

Mom’s not dead.

A few years ago, she was hospitalized for knee replacement surgery and came home a very different person.

Mom’s mind went haywire and she suffers short term memory loss.

Mom has lost all of her pride and self-esteem. She is a shut-in and won’t see anyone outside the family because she is embarrassed.

She remembers you… she still loves you.

Community, where are you?

Sure she’s going to say she doesn’t want visitors and that her wishes need to be respected.

She doesn’t want company because she is ashamed and embarrassed.

What she needs is an intervention from her peer group to let her know that she is loved and that she is accepted for the way she is now (Dad also needs your help but will also likely refuse it).

She does not deserve to die from self-pity.

Community.

Photo credit: Merrick Johnson via flickr creative commons