So You're "Emotionally Intelligent"?

It’s tribal election season again!

This year (like every year), my community will see anywhere between 3 and 20 candidates vying for a shot at 2 or 3 lucrative tribal council seats.  And oh, but how those seats promise all sorts of amazing things!  The power to create and interpret your own laws, the constitutional right to do whatever you want with any resource without intervention or transparency (unless, of course, those actions violate federal law) are just two examples.   Our tribal council members gain a privileged “ivory-tower” vantage point of all tribal business plans and actions, past and present, as well as virtually uncontested authority – that is, if they ascribe to the in’s and out’s of their peers’ political chess game.

This year, the ideological spin infusing the community seems bent toward an “anti-emotional” agenda, because – for crying out loud – everyone who is anyone knows there are three key reasons why emotions are not “politically correct” this day and age:

1. Emotional people can’t be taken seriously, because…well, they’re emotional.
2. If your emotional “I.Q” is high enough, you won’t be subject to emotions at all.
3. (And my personal favorite…) Emotions are evidence that women are unabashedly weaker than men.

…Seriously?

While there are many reasons to become emotional, here are five highlights as to why some seem to wrestle with a variety of emotions now more than ever before.

1. Disappointment in leaders’ actions. Let’s face it…our tribe went from rocketing to exorbitant wealth to plummeting into extraordinary debt, and there is not a lot of clear understanding as to exactly how it all happened.  “We all did it”, you say?  No, not everyone.  Granted, while many of us did make financial mistakes at one time or another over the last 20 years, when it came to decisions affecting the entire community as a whole, the buck stopped with four tribal council decision makers whose actions took us from a place of financial freedom to financial bondage.
2. We regret not doing what we should have done, when we should have done it.  Of course, this applies in many different ways.  Maybe we could have saved more, invested wisely, or not been so quick to agree with the suggestions of certain outsiders who profited greatly from us.  Maybe we should have loved rather than assumed the worst of one another just because a few people spread some ugly rumors.  Perhaps we regret not taking more responsibility instead of blaming others for our own situations.  And maybe – just maybe! – it’s not too late to figure out a way to reconcile severed relationships that, at one time, meant so much to us.
3. Self-reflections – When we awaken from a self-indulgent stupor, our eyes become opened.  We are then faced with the fruits of our own attitudes and behaviors. This is the point at which we choose to change our ways…or not.  Those who embrace the path toward personal change wrestle with a lot of emotions due to the desire to help others avoid the same road they traveled.
4. Political head-bashing – let’s face it, some of our folks were treated pretty badly for a lot of reasons.  Sometimes it was because of conflicting ideologies, misunderstandings, or the fear of certain people getting all the recognition.  Maybe jealousy was involved.  And maybe a few grasped for political control no matter what the cost to everyone else, suppressing anyone who dared to get in their way.  Reflecting on these experiences and observations tend to trigger a wide range of emotions all the way around.
5. Shattered expectations.  Let’s face it: there was a point at which most of us expected to live very well for the rest of our lives.  When the props were kicked out from under us, many were left with expenses that exceeded incomes, a plethora of unanswered questions, and a lot of uncertainty about the future.  This caused a lot of anxiety, which in turn triggered a wide range of emotional responses.

Clearly there are many reasons why our people are rocked by emotional turmoil and anxiety.  For this reason, the ideal leadership candidate must take a stand on whether he or she wishes to be part of the solution – a strong advocate for community wide healing.

 Who IS the ideal candidate?

• Someone who truly advocates for his or her own people – A person who not only recognizes the skilled and experienced people among us who are equal to or better than outsiders and agencies contending for positions of influence or leadership, but isn’t afraid of allowing those individuals career opportunities, free of political loyalty “strings” attached in return.

• Someone for whom acceptance within a “clique” for political strength and support is not a temptation.  The lyrics to the iconic Janice Joplin song Me n’ Bobbie McGee come to mind here: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” The most effective leaders are those who are not rocked by fear of losing a sexy job title, losing the approval of others or even political support because they have chosen to listen to their conscience.  They would rather adhere to wisdom even when it isn’t popular, and they believe integrity is far more important than self-preservation. These are the folks who can sleep well at night. Never underestimate the power and potential of someone who has nothing to lose.

• Someone who sees their position as a servant to others rather than a king or queen who expects to be glorified.  Remember that high ivory white tower I mentioned earlier?  Leaders may have a better vantage point from way up there on Mount Olympus, but they are also more prone to nosebleeds.  Humility goes a long way in a leadership role.  Likewise, being accessible is the key to bridging relationships with those you profess to serve.  If you don’t have an “open door policy”, try using social media.  Many municipal leaders have turned to social media as a way to stay connected with and receive feedback from their constituents.  The Ledyard and Gales Ferry Facebook Forum is a nationally renowned example of how and why this works.

• Someone who strives to unite rather than divide, to bring reconciliation rather than maintain division for political support. It’s the kind of person who doesn’t jump to irrational conclusions about certain individuals based on rumors, here say and innuendos.

Google defines “Emotional Intelligence” as: The capacity to be aware of, control and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.

To be “emotionally intelligent” is not the absence of emotions, but the compassionate embrace of them within the context of understanding why they exist in the first place.  It’s about listening to  people with compassion and love in order to recognize the existence of wisdom and passion inherent within someone’s emotional expression.

We need leaders who are not only willing to embrace these principles, but walk them out in their everyday lives. Someone who works well with others, but is unafraid to take a stand if “doing the right thing” means NOT siding with everyone else for popularity sake.  We need leaders who are courageous enough to freely admit they aren’t perfect and have made mistakes…even leveraging those experiences as inspiring testimony that compel others to want to learn from their own past errors.  Admitting fault is not a sign of weakness; it’s one of profound strength.  It’s the place from which we reveal a humbled heart, walk out forgiveness and mercy with others, and set a positive example for generations to follow.

And if all of that causes someone to feel a little bit emotional, then so be it!  After all, there ain’t no shame in shedding a tear while raising one’s voice out of the darkness and into the light.  Good luck to all the candidates.

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