As Family, Friends Grieve And Cope, A Message For Those In Pain

MADISON, CT — Adam LeBlanc loved exploring nature. Hiking, wildlife study and bird-watching were favorites.

He enjoyed being on the Daniel Hand High School fencing team. And he loved playing chess and Magic: The Gathering.

Curious and creative, he even taught himself how to ride a unicycle. Adam always had a smile, his family said, and was loved by many, including friends from his church.

On Oct. 9, Adam, just 17, died suddenly and unexpectedly.

In a letter to the Hand high school community, Principal Anthony Salutari wrote with a “heavy heart” to share the news that Adam, a senior, had died, and to offer counseling to students.

“The loss of a young person can, and often does, have an emotional impact on many members of a school community,” he wrote. “As we have done in the past, I ask that we support one another while keeping in mind that our guidance counselors, support staff, and administration are here to support you.

“During this difficult time, please pay extra attention to the needs of our children and young adults. Do not hesitate to contact the school if there is anything you need.”

As the news quickly traveled that a young life was lost, the LeBlanc family had the community wrap its collective arms around them. And a GoFundMe page was created to help support the family.

“The unexpected death of a child is an unimaginable loss that no one could be prepared for. Adam was a wonderful son and such a kind and caring person. He has so many people that love him. His family is devastated and truly heartbroken,” GoFundMe appeal organizer Jenna Brown LaRose wrote. “No one should have to think of expenses at a time like this. Friends and family are organizing this fundraiser to help the LeBlanc family in their time of need for Adam to be laid to rest.”

To date, some $30,000 has been raised to help the LeBlanc family.

Some donations and condolences came from Adam's friends and teammates.

“Adam may have only been a teammate in my experiences in the fencing team, as we were all with him during those times,” one teammate wrote. “However, every experience can leave a hole in your heart that is filled with our emotions like every person that I met. This is the power of bonds that connects every life form we know with each other. Let his soul find peace and let us walk towards the future with the lesson that this taught us and a sliver of hope during these grim times.”

Saying goodbye

At the graveside service for Adam, there were readings by friends and clergy. His sister Christina sang “Lay Me Down.” And there were hymns, and remarks from Adam’s closest friends, such as Natasha McCarthy, who told Patch she’s “broken.”

“He was the person whom I trusted the most, and he knew more about me than anyone else in the entire world,” Natasha said. “He’s so important to me and I love him so much. His death broke me, and I’ll never be the same, but with time I’ll find a way to live even though a piece of me is gone. I would give anything to get that piece back.”

And at the service, Adam's father, Gerald, spoke about his son: "I have heard people say that a parent should never have to bury a child. For me and my family that is a true statement. I wish that I could wake up from this nightmare. I wish that someone would say this is just a bad joke. I wish that God would have taken me instead. I ask why this happened and I wish that I had a good answer. The only thing that I can come up with is that it is God’s will and not mine.

"Adam was given to me and Stacie to nurture and cherish. We were blessed to have him in our lives for the time we had Adam. The pain and sadness that we feel means that we loved him. I know that does not help at this time but I would not give up that time that I had with Adam for anything. I loved him. I am sorry, we loved him. When he passed and our world fell a part. It does not feel like our world will ever be the same. Your world will never be the same. Our loss can not be described in words.”

‘How do you fix something you didn't know was broken?’

In a conversation with Patch, Adam’s father said on that day, he came home and found the police there. His son had “died from suicide.”

Gerald said Adam left a note that read that “nobody forced” him to do what he did.

“It was just so hard to understand. Nobody knew he was sad. We never saw anything,” Gerald said in a pained, trembling voice. “How do you fix something you didn't know was broken?”

As he and his wife, Stacie, and four children try to cope — “we’re muddling through” — he said he wanted to share a message and asked that part of his graveside remarks be used to send that message:

“To all of you that are parents to tell your children that you love them. To hold them in your arms because everything can change in a moment. I want to say to all of you young men and women out there: it is OK to be sad but know that we are here for you because we need you and love you.”

In a phone call two weeks after Adam’s sudden death, Gerald said the fact that his son never said anything to them about his sadness “is the hardest part.”

“What did we miss?” he asked rhetorically. “He was sad, and we didn’t know. Parents, tell your kids you love them. Listen. Ask.”

A tree grows for Adam

And as their son was laid to rest last week, Stacie LeBlanc noted on Facebook that the family will be planting a tree as a living memorial to their beloved son.

“We are calling it a ‘Kindness Tree,’” Stacie LeBlanc wrote. “We will be painting rocks and placing them under the tree with words of love and hope. We are going to put a time capsule in the ground also. When you plant a tree in memory of someone who has died, it grows to stand as a ‘living memorial.’ It's a way to honor someone by emphasizing life. It's a way to give back to the earth which by God's grace sustains us. And it is a memorial that literally lives on.”

The LeBlanc family will be planting the tree on the grounds of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 275 Warpas Road in Madison, Wednesday at 6:30 p.m.

Read Adam’s full obituary here.

Getting help

On the day Adam died, Hand principal Salutari encouraged students to speak with counselors at the school and through the town’s youth and family service agency to process what had happened.

For young people and families in crisis, dial 211 follow phone prompts to Emergency Mobile Psychiatric Services. For young people in crisis, call Helplines for Teens: 1-800-273-TALK ( 800-273-8255 ) or “Crisis Text Line” 741741.

Adam's grandmother's passing

Late Sunday, a day after this story was published, Adam's grandmother, Erika Spector, 80, passed away, Gerald LeBlanc told Patch.

"Adam and his sister helped take care of her before she went in to a nursing home. When they called me about my Mom, I knew that Adam was there to help her through the Veil," Gerald LeBlanc told Patch. "She had had Alzheimer's for the last several years of her life, and has finally moved on. Adam was always helping her, and was there when she needed him."

GoFundMe is a Patch partner.