Breaking News: Government Shutdown Caused By Manchester Zombies

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

OCTOBER 22, 2013

GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN BLAMED ON ZOMBIES

CLASSIFIED: IT WASN’T OUR “DEAR LEADERS”…IT WAS OUR “DEAR ZOMBIES”

MANCHESTER- There’s been a lot of finger-pointing in the recent government shutdown.  But new details have come to light that it wasn’t Republicans or Democrats responsible for the shutdown.  It was ZOMBIES.

Click here to see the videos.  We now know that “Agent Z” was released in Manchester…the epicenter of the zombie outbreak.

And apparently it made its way to Congress.

“It blows my mind that nobody saw what was really happening,” said an unnamed source – who was worried about being the target of an IRS investigation for releasing the data about the outbreak.  “This virus clearly hit Washington and sucked any remaining brains out of Congress.”

Early reports indicate that the virus – even though it might be considered a pre-existing condition – will NOT be covered by Obamacare.

“A lot of people are moaning about it,” said the unnamed source.  “We’re literally seeing thousands of people banging their heads against their computer monitors…but we can’t tell if they’re trying to get coverage or if they’ve already been turned into zombies.”

Reports now indicate that all of the infected will return to Manchester THIS Thursday starting at 5pm.  They’ll be celebrating the infection with an EPIC Zombie Block Party.

Ed Firestone, owner of Pinewood Furniture on Main Street, is one of just many business owners taking part in the event.  For those who don't purchase the Groupon, they'll be able to purchase tickets at Pinewood Furniture the night of the event for $10.  EVERY PENNY RAISED from the sale of these tickets will go to support the victims of the Main Street Fire.

Tana Parseliti, Downtown Manager, said it afforded the committee the opportunity to instead shift the focus of the Epic Zombie Block Party to those who lost everything in the fire last week.

“We’ve partnered up with MACC Charities to create a special fund for the fire victims,” said Parseliti.  “People can make contributions directly to the fund…and every penny we raise through the Epic Zombie Block Party will go directly to the fund.”

Kyle Reyes, Director of Marketing for Carter Chevrolet, hopes the cause will help drive community members to come out and show their support.

“Nearly 40,000 hits on the videos about the Zombie Outbreak shows how interested people are in the event,” said Reyes.  “And now that all of the money raised through the event goes to help the victims…we hope people will come out in droves to show that Manchester is behind those impacted by this terrible tragedy.”

96.5 WTIC will be broadcasting live the night of the event from Carter Chevrolet.  MACC will also be set up at Carter Chevrolet collecting food donations to support the displaced victims.

"There's such an incredible spirit of community on Main Street," said Reyes.  "It's a wonderful opportunity to rally together to help those impacted."  

Details about the block party can be found on www.carterchevrolet.com/zombieoutbreak.

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