First-Time Home Buyers Should Decide for Themselves

Some family members and friends are notorious in injecting toxic opinions into the first-time home buyers’ minds.

After seeing almost 20 houses in four towns, these young couple’s eyes gleamed with excitement when they toured around this 1800-square-foot home in a desirable town with outstanding school system per great schools rating. The public schools are rated 9 and 8.

I was excited too because the property is situated in a neighborhood where I can see them grow and nurture each other.

During the home inspection, I was perturbed by the young wife’s gloomy aura. Her face didn’t show it but her gesticulations betrayed her real feelings.

When the home inspection was over, the young husband’s enthusiasm remained intact. I looked at my lady buyer and asked her, “What is wrong?”

She said she was no longer as excited as when she first saw the house. I asked her why. Was it the home inspection?

Her head stared down for a bit then she looked up and told me that it was her family. I could see that her eyes were welling up but she tried hard to control the tears from falling. There was a short silence. I could only hear the deep air she took in as her shoulder and chest rose--then a long exhale.

How Family Members Kill the Dream?

We stayed in the driveway while I listened to how the young wife’s once clear picture of her dream home was slowly smeared by continuous spatters of discouraging words from her family.

I asked what her family told her to get a better understanding why this poor lady was sulking in sorrow. “My family said that we should buy a home similar to the houses in our country. The houses there are mostly built with concrete exterior. And they are bigger than this.”

“You mean stucco? Stucco siding is not common in this town. There are some in other towns but they could be twice older than me.” She smiled and then chuckled a bit. But I could tell the pressure she was holding from her family.

The young husband engaged in the conversation to brighten up the subject. He said,” My family thinks differently. My parents said that it is beautiful and it is the right size for us. My brothers and sisters said the same thing. And my friends are happy for us because it is a great location.”

De-sensitizing the Negative

First-time home buyers seek the opinion of the family members mostly for confirmation. Confirmation that they made the right decision is what they would like to hear. They get extra gratification from this. Even if they don’t need their seal of approval, the affirmation would mean a lot to them.

Since the young wife did not get positive response from the family, I advise her to re-think and re-visit what is important to her and her husband as a couple.

“First, I would like you to go over the details that made you and your husband decide to pursue this property after having looked at many other properties.

Secondly, you and your husband are the ones responsible for paying the mortgage, down payment and closing costs. This is your first important investment together.

Lastly, you and he, as a couple, will be living in this home. Not your family who is thousands of miles away from here. Sleep on it and we will talk again tomorrow.”

The Verdict

The next day, I got a text from the husband to tell me that his wife felt much better today. “We are moving forward. What is our next step?”

I was glad to hear about her uplifted spirit. Sometimes, some family members should just keep their opinions to themselves especially if they don’t have any idea about the way of life here.

It will be a different story if they will be buying the house for them.