I was raised a praise junky.

My mother was a wonderful woman. She taught me so many incredible things. One thing she taught me was to seek praise and acceptance from other people....not so wonderful. As a results, it took me a very long time to accept myself, and be happy from within.

And, I raised praise junkies. That’s all I knew how to do.

So now that I’ve learned a different way - how to encourage others - I am working hard to change how I am with our sons. Yes, they are adults. Yes, they, like all of us, can still learn.

Rather than saying “great job!”, I say, “wow, it looks like you put a lot of work in to that project. How do you feel about how it turned out?”

Rather than saying “I’m so proud of you!”, I say, “you must be so proud of yourself. “ And sometimes I’ll add, “and I’m so proud of you too!”

You see, when our children rely on praise and rewards from others, they will keep looking to others for recognition. When it isn’t there, they won’t feel good about themselves.

When our children can look within themselves at what they do and how they behave, they then have the strength and resiliency to be independent. To be self-reliant. This is how their self esteem gets built. Not by us telling them they are good or are doing well, but rather from them feeling it from within themselves.

Want to learn more about how to help your child grow to be a strong and capable adult? Visit our website or take a class! www.positivedisciplinewesternct.org.

Positive Discipline of Western CT inspires and promotes the development of life skills and respectful relationships in families, schools, and businesses in our local communities. We provide classes to parents, caregivers, educators and youth development workers to help strengthen relationships with children, encouraging them to be responsible, resourceful and self-reliant.

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