Who Brings the Grocery Cart

“Everywhere in the world, they hurt little girls.”

— Cersei Lannister, Game of Thrones¹

The line from Game of Thrones has always rung true but it seems even more relevant today. The conversation takes place when she is asking about her daughter, who was sent off as part of a political arrangement to secure peace. Prince Oberyn assures her that in Dorne they don’t hurt little girls.

Sound familiar, not all kingdoms?

We’ve always known the darker side of Greek life. The quintessential frat/college comedy, Animal House, released in 1978, couched the disturbing behavior in a joke.² Larry, a pledge at a frat party, walks in on the underaged daughter of the mayor passed out. The scene cuts to an angel and a devil on his shoulders to decide what to do.

He ends up rolling her home in a grocery cart, instead of taking advantage of her. A movie released more than 45 years ago didn’t hide the truth, just made his choice seem like the non-typical one.

We are literally watching a case where 50 people could have offered a woman the grocery cart, none did.

Fraternities and sororities are built on rules and a desire to belong. Pledging teaches that belonging comes with a steep price, compliance and silence. You endure something and don’t tell anyone, that makes you a member. You learn that protecting bad behavior gets you accepted, making the choice Larry did gets you labeled an outsider. After four years of these rules, graduates enter the workforce where their brothers and sisters are already in charge.

When I entered the workforce in the late ’90s, the line between work and personal life was very clear. I recall my first week at my first real job, co-workers asked if I wanted to go out with them for drinks. It was after work, on our own dime. The idea of fraternization between employees was also something that you did at your own risk. If it remained outside of the office, nobody cared. Corporations wanted to manage the liability risk and avoid potentially dangerous situations.

Current corporate culture is what I call “Happy Hour Culture”. Offices have ping pong tables, pizza parties and in-office happy hours, where the lines between personal and work life get blurred. Somehow, showing up to the pizza party or happy hour is noted as being a good employee. Just like a fraternity, those who comply are rewarded and those who don’t are not.

There was one conversation I had with a peer, after we had hired a few members of the same fraternity, that always stayed with me. She said they were the “nice fraternity”.

If all were nice, why was the disclaimer needed?

Corporate decision makers modeled their leadership style on these organizations. Loyalty is given to those who embrace the culture, not to the ones it hurts. Having a few poorly acted HR videos about “what isn’t acceptable” now covers them for the Animal House environment some offices turn a blind eye to.

When events do occur, corporate culture needs leaders who are not afraid of the truth. Ones willing to expose the hypocrisy of the system, so that those affected can feel safe and find at least one person willing to offer them the grocery cart. That decision makes you an outsider, but it makes you ethical.

The flip side is the leader who says they will handle it and never do. This falls on leaders of any gender, protecting the boys to preserve the status quo is not ok. Labeling the employee, who in many cases is female, that reports concerns as “overemotional”, “immature” or “unreliable” is not acceptable. These terms protect the system and discredit the affected person, unless of course the employee accepts the rules and partakes in the Pizza Parties.

In Westeros or reality, the world does hurt little girls. Those who are willing to offer the safety net in patriarchal systems are seen as not Frat material. In this environment, being the person who can be trusted to do the right thing is needed more than ever. Being the person who takes the girl home in a grocery cart, so she is safe has become a moral imperative.

In a world of broken systems and corrupt cultures, maybe we need to stop looking for “nice fraternities” and focus on being ethical men.

Notes

1.Game of Thrones, season 4, episode 1, “Two Swords,” written by David Benioff and D. B. Weiss, directed by D. B. Weiss, aired April 6, 2014, on HBO.

2.National Lampoon’s Animal House, directed by John Landis (Universal Pictures, 1978).

About Myths & Legends

Myths & Legends explores ethics, power, judgment, and culture, using philosophy, music, film, and lived experience to surface the moral patterns we absorb long before we have language for them.

About the Author

Paul Gerardi was born and raised in Stamford. He holds a degree in history from the College of the Holy Cross, where a Jesuit education emphasized ethical responsibility, critical thought, and the enduring principle of People for Others.

His writing is shaped as much by philosophy and history as by film, music, and popular culture — the modern myths that reveal who we are, what we value, and what happens when ethics quietly slip out of view. He is the author of The Cost of Being Human.

He writes weekly atPaulGerardi.co