Party hats

Good Morning.  I’m back from walking my two-legger.  We saw a groundhog at the edge of the driveway.  The hairless one growled at it, apparently they eat the kibble he grows in the garden.  The groundhog growled back and showed it has really big yellow teeth.  The two-legger said I should chase it, but I’m not chasing anything that looks like it has Stanley chisels for incisors. 

I have really big teeth, but they aren’t yellow.  I go to the vet to get them brushed.  I think.  I don’t know, because one minute I’m getting a scrunch behind the ears from the nice veterinary assistant, and the next thing I know I’m driving home with the hairless one, a little hung over and my gums hurt.  I think I had them cleaned, because the two-legger says next time I’m going to his dentist because it would be a lot cheaper.

Last time I went, when I woke up I was wearing a party hat.  I don’t remember the party, though.  I have no short-term memory, but I would have remembered putting on a party hat like this one.  I think it’s a lampshade and it got stuck.  It must have been a good party!  Years ago when I ended up like this, I had got tutored at the vets.  I didn’t feel all that much smarter afterwards.  The party hat was a pain.  Matisse liked to sneak up beside me and whack the hat.  When I'd turn around, he’d be gone, only to do it again a few seconds later.  I like Matisse, but he has a dumb sense of humor.  The hat was really good for watching television, as it cut out all the distractions, like the two-leggers telling me to lie down. 

When the hairless one would take me for walks wearing the hat, it was way cool.  I could shovel up all kinds of interesting stuff by tilting my head down and playing Mike the Steam Shovel.  The two-legger was a pain though, it took me a long time to scoop up a piece of road kill, and he made me shake it out of the hat.   I must have impressed all the lady dogs as we walked by, they probably thought I had been tutored again and was really smart.

Down the road there are some summer dogs.  You know the type, they bring their two-leggers down on Memorial Day to open up the yard, and then they come and go on the weekends.  Two of them, Fluffer and Nutter, can’t leave their yard.  That’s sad, because when I walk by, I always leave a little spritz within sniffing distance for them on the corner of their stone wall but they don’t get to reciprocate.  They look very well bred and groomed, but don’t get out much.  I’m a rescue, and I don’t know who my parents are, but I bet they know their lineage back to the Mayflower. 

Wow, that was long.  I’m tired; using the Mac without an opposable thumb is exhausting.  I think I’ll take a nap now.  See ya later.