Behind the Pink Ribbons: Woman Suffered Emotional 'Whiplash' From Breast Cancer

Editor’s note: October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and Patch is sharing inspirational stories of breast cancer survivors to help raise awareness for early detection. Would you like to share your story? Email wendy.mitchell@patch.com.

Written By Kristen Kim, former Norwalk and Westport resident

I was a healthy, active, working mom and wife- living the suburban dream in idyllic East Greenwich, Rhode Island. I had what would be my first and last mammogram at the age of 40. it was all clear, no family history so I checked that off my to do list for the year.

Six months later I found a lump in my left breast while showering. In short order I had an exam, ultrasound and
biopsy- only to be told on March 28, 2014 that I had Stage 1 Triple Negative Breast Cancer. After careful and intense consideration, I opted to have a bilateral mastectomy, followed by 16 weeks of ACT chemotherapy and reconstruction surgery.

Today, my lymph nodes are clear and my Oncologist is confident that I am cancer free due to the aggressive
measures I took.

Through it all, I fought. I refused to give in or give up. I showed no one that I was weak. And I was blessed to have wonderful family and friends by my side every step of the way. I still have lingering side effects, but they’ve become my “new normal.” To look at me, you wouldn’t know the pain I’ve endured. My hair has grown back to the point where I
actually need to style it, though it was so much easier (albeit colder) being bald! And- silver lining alert- I have a great new set of boobs. My physical scars have mostly healed. It’s the emotional ones that have not.

I was not one of “those people” that gets cancer, and as such I went through my journey without seeking support from other survivors. I felt that if I allowed myself to get swept up in the “sea of pink”, it would somehow be admitting defeat. I felt stronger in my solitude. It was not a club that I wanted to belong to. I would NOT be a poster child for breast
cancer.

But after I got my all clear, after my hangover from the huge party my friends threw for me was gone, I went into a depression. I couldn’t understand why, after all I’d been through in the past year, was I now in a dark hole. Family and friends had breathed a sigh of relief and moved on to their lives. Their part in my journey was done. But my
journey was just beginning. In a moment of desperation, I reached out to the amazing women at the Gloria Gemma Resource Foundation. They quickly identified what I was feeling as “whiplash,” a PTSD of sorts associated with the catastrophic events I had just endured.

Amidst the chaos of doctors’ appointments, surgeries, chemo treatments, making sure someone was feeding my family and running a household, I never stopped to process what I was going through. It wasn’t until I stopped and looked back that it all came crashing down on me. I was thankful to be alive, but yet not happy.

What a relief to know that my feelings were so common that there was a term for it. To know I wasn’t alone or crazy was a huge step in the right direction. I have come a long way, yet know there is much more healing to be done in the future. I have finally accepted myself as a Pink Sister and am proud to say I’m a SURVIVOR!

This past weekend I walked the Gloria Gemma Flames of Hope 5K with a team of friends and family supporting me and celebrated ONE YEAR CANCER FREE!

Read more survivor stories:

Breast Cancer Awareness: Behind the Pink Ribbons, A Survivor’s Story

Woman Will Cycle 2,100 Miles in 30 Days for Best Friend With Breast Cancer