Having screen time issues?

I remember the battles over computer gaming and t.v. time. As a parent, I thought our sons spent way too much time on their screens. As kids, they felt as if they couldn’t ever have enough. In our day, we went out on our bikes and played outside until dinner. Nowadays, it’s hard to get them off of their screens at all!

So how can you make your children spend less time on their devices?

You can’t. You may be able to get them to stop for a bit, but we really can’t make anyone else do anything. If you punish, take things away, impose consequences to breaking the rules, most kids will get sneaky and/or rebel.

So how can you work with your children to come up with agreements on the amount of screen time that is acceptable to you and to them?

· Begin by getting together as a family when everyone is calm, and have time.

· Start the conversation by saying something like, “I’d like to talk as a family about screen time, so we can reach an agreement about each of our use that’s okay for all of us. Let’s first each share how we feel about using our devices.” The important part here is to listen without judgement, and to be open to truly hearing what your children are saying. You can ask clarifying questions, like “I hear you saying talking to your friends on the phone is really important to you. Am I understanding you correctly?”

· Ask for everyone to come up with ideas for guidelines for family screen time use. Remind everyone that there are no bad ideas, this is just brainstorming as many as possible. Make sure to write all of them down word-for-word as they are said, ideally on a big piece of paper that everyone can see.

· Next discuss which of the ideas would be acceptable to each person. Usually, there is an idea on the list that everyone is willing to try for a week.

· During the week, if someone is on their screen beyond the agreement, you can ask, “What was our agreement about screen time?”

· Plan a family get together a week later, to ask how it’s going with screen use. If the previous week’s solution isn’t working, see if everyone is willing to try another solution from the list.

· What works for a few weeks might need to be “tweaked” or changed entirely over time. Just remember, you are problem solving as a family.

What is helping everyone to learn? Mutual respect. That everyone has a voice. How to solve problems. Collaboration. And, it’s building important connections and relationships as a family.

Want to learn more tools and strategies for raising responsible problem-solving children? Visit www.positivedisciplinect.org.

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