I've Been Schooled!

I have a recurring dream: I’m back in high school, trying to make my way through the halls to a classroom I can’t find. I have to take an exam for which I haven’t studied. I know I’m going to fail, and I’m late for class on top of it. I’m panicking.

Yesterday, that nightmare came true—sort of. I took the Cider Mill/Wilton Education Foundation’s “Are You Smarter Than A 5^th Grader” qualifying test.

Even though I risked embarrassment and humiliation, I wanted to take the test and write a column on it, in the interest of promoting WEF’s Fundraiser, a very worthwhile event modeled after the TV game show. Tomorrow evening, at the Clune Center, WEF will pit four Wilton celebs against real Cider Mill 5^th graders, and all ticket proceeds benefit Wilton’s schools.

Cider Mill assistant principal Catherine O’Keefe, who administered my test, is much nicer than Mrs. Evans, the 5^th grade teacher I had back in New Jersey so many years ago. But that didn’t make me panic any less at the prospect of seeing how I’d fare on the exam.

After taking the quiz, I have a warning for the four grown-ups who’ll face some very bright Cider Mill students—be afraid, be very afraid! (The four Wiltonians going head to head with the mini braniacs are Wilton High School lax coach John Wiseman, Wilton Library Executive Director Kathy Leeds, WHS Student Government President Jackie Saltarelli and CM Science Resource Teacher/Ambler Farm Manager Kevin Meehan.)

“It’s meant to be difficult,” Ms. O’Keefe reminds me before we start. The qualifying exam was put together by Cider Mill instructional leaders, who wrote all the questions based on the school’s current 5^th grade curriculum. It was designed to challenge the fifth graders who wanted to take on the adults in the match of wits. Of the 100 students, 20 prevailed to take part in tomorrow’s show.

Questions were culled from curriculum areas that include world languages, music, art, social studies, math and phys ed. Ms. O’Keefe asked me just four questions that you’d think I’d fly through with no problem. But then you’d be wrong.

Question 1: Which Central American country is not Spanish-speaking: A) Honduras B) Panama C) Belize?

Thank goodness for multiple choice, is all I have to say! I remembered seeing TV clips years ago of Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega speaking Spanish. I also recalled reciting the word Honduras in 7^th grade Spanish. So I guessed C) Belize. Correct! Ok, off to a good start.

Question 2: What mountain range separates France from Spain?

See, here’s where I get into trouble. Geography is definitely not my strong suit, but I’m married to a Frenchman. To top it off, just last week we talked about this same question over our family dinner anticipating the kinds of things they’ll ask at the WEF show. So when my mind just went blank under the mounting pressure, and as I sat watching the 30-second time limit tick-tick-tick away, I choked. Wrong! (correct answer: The Pyrenees.) Let’s all agree to not tell my mother-in-law back in France.

Question 3: What does ‘meter’ mean in music?

I played piano and flute growing up, so I imagine my 5^th grade orchestra teacher would be hanging her head in shame at my inability to answer this one. I knew it had something to do with beats and notes and phrasing, but I just couldn’t find the right words to describe it. “Is it how many notes are in a phrase?” Ms. O’Keefe wanted to be nice, but she just couldn’t give me full credit. Wrong! (correct answer: Meter tells how many beats are in a measure.)

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when Ms. O’Keefe assured me, “This next one will be easier for you. It’s multiple choice.”

Question 4: Which continent has the most French speakers: A) Africa B) Europe C) North America?

Another French-related question! This could have either turned out well, like the movie “Slumdog Millionaire,” or it could have been another opportunity to fail my French husband. I knew many of the African countries were formerly French colonies, including Algeria, Cote d’Ivoire, and Tunisia, among others. Thinking the question was likely designed to be tricky, and I shouldn’t assume that the answer would be Europe because of France, I chose Africa. Correct! Phew!

Overall, I was about a 2^nd-and-a-half grader, according to Ms. O’Keefe. My third grader is gonna love that. Sigh. Seems like WEF might want to ask me to be one of next year’s adult competitors to take on their 5^th graders—it sure will be worth every dollar watching those kids eat me for lunch!

Tickets are going fast for the event. The deadline to buy discounted advance seats is today, March 3. Otherwise, full-priced tickets will also be available at the door. “Are You Smarter than a 5^th Grader” runs Friday, March 4, 2011, 7-8:30 PM, at the Wilton High School Clune Center. Visit www.WiltonEducationFoundation.org for more information.

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Countdown until the 2011-2012 Board of Education budget is decided:

12 Days left until the next regularly-scheduled Board of Finance meeting (March 15, 2011)

27 Days left until the Board of Finance holds its Public Hearing on the Education budget (March 30, 2011)

61 Days left until the Town Meeting (May 3, 2011)

Please help make sure our schools have the funding they need to keep educating our kids to the highest possible standards. Attend a Board of Finance meeting, a Board of Education meeting, let your elected officials know how you feel.