What?!?

By Carol Dores

Many parents (and classrooms) use rewards to get children to do the things that we adults want them to do. Rewards work. For the moment. And then the child expects a reward the next time they’re asked to do something. Sometimes they demand a bigger reward.

What are children learning with rewards? That they need something in return for doing something. They learn to look for things to be motivated. They learn negotiating and manipulating.

So in a Positive Discipline home (or classroom), what sorts of things help motivate children?

· Everyone has work to do to contribute to the running of a home. One way to work to accomplish this is to have the family come up with a full list of all the things that need to happen to run a home. This can include everything, from paying the bills to cooking the meals. The children and adults can then choose jobs they’d like to do to contribute to the house. The children may need to be taught how to do some things, and it’s important that we take time for training. The jobs can be rotated so it does not become boring.

· We help children develop routine charts, and then ask them to use it to manage their time. For example, we ask a child to list all of the things that need to happen to get ready for bed, and then put them in the order they’d like to do them. We then ask them to follow the bedtime routine chart. When they seem distracted, we ask, “What is next on your routine chart?”

· We often give a child an age appropriate allowance. It is then up to the child to save up for toys, the sweatshirt they “must” have, or whatever is deemed as extra to your home. So when in a store and a child asks for a toy, we can respond with, “did you bring your money with you?” When the answer is “no”, we can calmly say, “maybe you will next time.” And keep shopping. We do not “reward” the subsequent whining with buying the toy.

These are just a few of the Positive Discipline alternatives to rewards. These things help children develop a sense of responsibility and independence. They can feel proud of themselves as they grown and learn new life skills.

Check out the schedule of classes at www.positivedisciplinect.org/parenting-classes/. If there isn’t one that meets your needs, email info@positivedisciplinect.org, and we’ll do our best to meet your needs.

Want to be added to our email list to receive tips & tools, class updates, and more? Click here http://eepurl.com/8eOZj

#positivediscipline #norewards #responsible #capable #meaningfulwork #partofhousehold #agreements #allowance