What happened to my sweet little child?

As tween/teen hormones kick in, so does being in a “flipped lid” mode constantly. What does that mean? It means that the rational part of the brain and the emotional part of the brain are not fully connected, and the teen brain is causes them to respond emotionally to things. The end result is that a teen’s emotions are constantly fluctuating, up and down, causing them to seem like Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It is a physical thing that happens, and they cannot control it happening. What they can control is how they manage their emotions and responses to others.

Here are some ideas that can help you stay calm, and you can help your teen also stay calm.

· Take the time to calm down. When we are upset, the worst thing we can do is interact with other people. All they will get is our emotions (flipped lid), which will cause them to reaction with their emotions (mirror neurons in our brains actually cause this!). So figure out what helps you calm down when you are calm. For me, slow breathing with my hand on my heart helps. Breathing slowly, counting to ten also helps, as does going for a walk.

· When your teen is speaking to you from their emotional place, don’t react. Respectfully suggest that you wait to have the conversation until you both are calm and ready. Or, say something like, “You seem really upset. What’s going on?” It will help both of you stay calm and connect.

· Because of hormonal changes, teenagers are on an emotional roller coaster. When they are flipping out, you can suggest that you’d be happy to talk with them when they can speak more respectfully to you, and then walk away.

· You can acknowledge their feelings. “You seem really upset. What’s going on?” and then listen without judging or commenting. “Uh huh. I see.” May be all that they need. You can also share a time when you were their age that you experienced something similar to what they are going through, and that you understand how they feel. The most important thing you can do is to try to stay calm and connected.

One final note. Brains are not fully developed until 25 years old or so. So learning these techniques will be useful for a long time!

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