Bradenton Family Finds Creative Way To Avoid Stress Of Holiday Planning

Those with active childhood memories will recall the very merry unbirthday scenes from "Alice in Wonderland."  Drs. Susan and Randy McSwain creatively invented what they call the Very Merry UnChristmas to accommodate celebrating the holiday with a complicated matrix of four generations of in-town and out-of-town families.

"I call it the Simple Christmas," explains Susan, a pastoral counselor, who resides with her retired surgeon husband in Northwest Bradenton. "We find this is the least stressful for all and provides the most relaxing time for everyone involved."

The true spiritual meaning of the day is observed on the 25th of December, but attention to the actual calendar day is flexible.  By picking a date other than the 25^th of December, pressure is removed in the annual tug-of-war of "where do we spend Christmas this year?" battle enacted in many homes, especially homes where grandchildren are involved.

"I defer and let the girls (her daughters-in-law) have Dec. 25 with their parents. We don't make it a big deal.  We start in November finding a date that works for our three sons and their wives and children," she adds.  "We do a quick and easy dinner; not pizza, but something like a ham, and the kids bring side dishes, something that can be made ahead and not labor-intensive. We use paper products and eat in the family room, not in the dining room with the Oriental rug. We don't worry about putting out the best."

Youngest son Billy and his wife, Mary Beth, attend Vanderbilt University, so their class calendar must be observed. Middle son Matt and his wife Becky both work and have a 1-year-old. Gil and wife, Anna, a stay-at-home mother, have a 2- and a 5-year-old and a school calendar to abide by.

As for presents, Susan and Randy offer childcare during the holiday season so the moms can spend kid-free time Christmas shopping and decorating their homes.

Presents for the grandchildren are limited to items suggested by the parents or short day-trips.

"I don't want to add one more item of stuff that is not really needed," Susan says. "We also like to focus on experiences rather than material goods. Lowry Park Zoo and the local Walk Through Bethlehem tours are gifts we like to give."

On Dec. 25, they celebrate Christmas. "We focus on sitting around and enjoying each other," she says.

As a therapist who has seen more unhappy families, divorces and messed-up teens than she cares to think about, Susan is pleased she has followed her own advice and observes, "This is one of the wisest things I've done in my life."