Raising Kids: Power vs. Authority

If you’re a leader or a parent and you want a happy life, you better understand the difference between power and authority.

Some years ago I was asked to evaluate a senior executive in a financial firm that the company was considering for termination. Ever since he was promoted and offered a career in management, he used the power of his position to manipulate his staff to get things done.

Bob was intelligent, technically competent, and gifted in his field. Unfortunately, because of Bob’s predisposition to treat his employees disrespectfully, they never gave him authority over them. Bob never understood that just because he had the power of a job title, he didn’t have the authority required to get the work done --- and that’s because his people never gave it to him.

Of course, kids can’t fire their parents. And that’s what makes understanding the difference between power and authority for a mom and a dad even more critical.

I remember the frustrated mother of a 10-year old son who came to me for counseling because Craig was having behavior problems at school and at home as well.

Naturally, she and her husband had power over their son by virtue of their role as parents. But during several counseling sessions I learned that both Craig’s mother and father grew up in dysfunctional families where yelling, isolation, and threats of punishment were the preferred methods of child rearing.

So when Craig experienced similar occurrences as he reached the age of reason, while he had to do what his parents wanted him to do because they were his parents (they had the power), he found other ways to act out because mom and dad had not created an environment where Craig could learn to trust, love, or respect them --- therefore, he gave them no authority over him.

As children progress through their developmental stages, the best tools that parents can employ to ensure their positive growth and development are: common sense discipline, two-way dialogue, shared activity time together, and limitless love and affection. Those four gifts will enable kids to give their parents authority over them in a way enriches family life while building long-term trust and respect.