No more single men allowed at any bars nationwide per new Federal laws

Washington, DC; The days of men going to bars and restaurants is over in the United States of America as of Wednesday, May 11th, 2022. That is correct, guys, Congress has just barely an hour ago passed new Federal legislation that permanently bans all men from going alone to any bar, restaurant, as well as any nightlife facility in the United States of America, and if you are seen alone at any bar, restaurant, or nightlife facility within the United States of America, you will be arrested and charged with the capital felony offenses of statutory stalking and presenting an unseemly sight in public, both of which are investigated by the FBI and carry a sentence of three hundred (300) years to life in prison and/or the death penalty each.