Skip The Bounce House And The Street’s Annual Potluck Without The Guilt: Block Talk

The annual block party isn’t for everyone, but there’s no need to approach the invitation with the same dread as a colonoscopy.

If you don’t want to go, don’t. A polite “I can’t make it” should do the job, readers said when we asked for Patch’s exclusive neighborhood etiquette column Block Talk if it’s rude to stay home while everyone else is partying in the street.

Don’t cook up a sketchy alibi, a sudden illness or an elaborate story about relatives showing up from out of town. If anyone is being rude, several respondents to our informal survey argued, it’s the neighbor who won’t take no for an answer.

Still, a few readers who dragged themselves, their picnic baskets and lawn chairs down the block despite their reluctance were glad they did. They met new people, caught up with old neighbors, or discovered an hour or two of socializing wasn’t so bad after all.

The trick, readers said, is to make the party voluntary, help guests mingle, and make it easy for them to leave before the bounce house, potluck and forced merriment begin to feel like one more neighborhood obligation.

‘Block Parties Are Dumb’

Block parties aren’t everyone’s glass of lemonade.

“Sometimes social events can be incredibly draining for introverted people,” said Rose, a Western Springs (Illinois) Patch reader. “We’re not all the same social butterflies, so we have to accept all levels of interactions.”

Rose doesn’t send her regrets with excuses.

“Making up a story can backfire, so just be polite and decline,” she said.

“I’m honest. I’m simply not interested,” said Elmhurst (Illinois) Patch reader Meli. “Block parties are dumb. If you want to socialize with your neighbors, do so without shutting down the block.”

J., a Chicago Patch reader, may not share why, but doesn’t go through the ritual of playing nice, either.

“Our block party is everyone having their own party in their driveway. And our most annoying neighbor basically has a kids’ party for their friends and family that takes over the street with foam and a bounce house,” J. said, adding:

“It’s horrible. And we aren’t grumpy old people.”

No To ‘Potluck Anything’

Several other readers said block parties have changed from afternoon socials to mini carnivals for children.

“Block parties are too much about bouncy houses,” said Suzi, an Oak Park-River Forest (Illinois) Patch reader.

Others said block parties are throwbacks to an era when people had more free time. Now, time alone is a precious commodity, especially for people who already spend most of their time dealing with the public.

“Every day when you are not at work it’s your own time. You have your own thing you want to get done,” said Newtown (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Angelica. In the 40 years Angelica has lived in the Newtown and Holland area, she’s never once attended a market day.

“I certainly do not like potluck anything. I happen to be a good cook in a clean kitchen, but not everyone shares my ethics,” Angelica said. “My husband and I are friendly enough; we just don’t go in for those things. I feel block parties are really geared toward family events for small children.”

What’s rude is to assume everyone on the block wants to party at the same time, said San Leandro (California) Patch reader Bettie. She’s comfortable sending regrets—"sometimes,” she said, “you don’t feel like being around everyone” — but she also enjoys her neighbors’ company at other times.

“I like and have accepted invites to friends’ barbecues where I know there is a way in and a way out (lol) and that it’s okay to stay as long or as short a period of time, like any adult, and also be invited back,” Bettie said.

Once Was Enough

Going to one block party was enough for Beffie, a Plymouth-Whitemarsh (Pennsylvania) Patch reader.

“I went to one block party and was ignored by all the ‘cliques,’ so I never went again,” Beffie said.

Ebi, a Delray (Florida) Patch reader, is on board with staying home but expects speculation about why among neighbors.

Ebi suggests getting ahead of that.

“If you have good reasons not to go, express them to one of the gossips politely,” Ebi said.

Ebi doesn’t think block parties, which have been a staple of urban and suburban community life for a century, and especially since World War II, achieve much anymore.

“The animosity, infighting, and backstabbing that exists in small neighborhoods can be exacerbated at a block party where you are forced to be with certain people that you truly hate!” Ebi said.

Block parties are too “people-y” for The No Man, a Greater Hartford (Connecticut) Patch reader. He’s also unapologetic about skipping them.

“It’s not rude. It’s not my fault they get offended. No convo needed,” he said. “As Ozzy (Osbourne) said, ‘I love my dogs more than I like most people.’”

Give It A Chance



Suck it up and go, some readers said.

Melrose (Massachusetts) Patch reader Amie also dreaded going to the block party but ended up having a good time.

Amie said she found people with common interests and talked to new people while managing to avoid “the annoying people.”

Julia, who reads Mission Viejo Patch and Laguna Woods Patch AM, has helped organize the annual block party in her Southern California neighborhood for several years.

“We always enjoy each other’s company,” Julia said. “We have a fine neighborhood.”

Some of her neighbors have never attended.

“That’s okay, too,” Julia said. “It’s best to say that you have other plans, and no, you don’t have to elaborate or give further details. Another answer might be, ‘It’s not a good time right now,’ and there’s no need to further explain.”

“Community gatherings are great if you are able to see someone you also see in another context, like children’s schools,” said Vienna (Virginia) Patch reader Kimberly.

“If you only see these people once a year, it’s not worth the time or energy,” Kimberly said, although she enjoyed a gathering a few years ago when she reconnected with a neighbor she hadn’t talked to in a while.

America Needs Block Parties

Sava, a Maywood (Illinois) Patch AM reader, hasn’t attended any of the three summers his street has had a block party but still donates $15 to the host family to offset costs.

“I am a homebody personally, but I appreciate the block doing things that bring together community. If I have the $15, why not put it into my neighborhood having fun?”

Paula, a Petaluma (California) Patch reader, was pleasantly surprised by how much fun she had at a block party.

“People were more welcoming and easy to engage with than I had anticipated,” Paula said. “I enjoyed the conversations more than I thought that I would and even made a couple of new friends.”

She’s now a cheerleader and thinks America needs block parties now more than ever.

“Any type of community gathering is important these days when people are becoming so isolated,” Paula said. “It’s good for mental health and builds community.”

About Block Talk

Block Talk is an exclusive Patch series on neighborhood etiquette — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you’d like us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com with “Block Talk” as the subject line.

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