One Brit's Battle With an American Soap Dispenser

I do consider myself to be reasonably smart, with a fairly average IQ.  However, during the past year it has come to my notice that Floridians in particular, and probably Americans in general have a creative bent that I think is linked to a death wish.  If I could find the 'designer' who is responsible for that piece of bathroom hardware, the fitted soap dispenser, my killer instinct would be hard to suppress.

I was lulled into a false sense of security when I first moved into my house.  The bathrooms all look very modern with stone or type of granite look alike counter tops with holes drilled through for installation of said 'soap dispenser.'  

My first inkling that there was 'something rotten in the state of Denmark' (Shakespeare) was when the first dispenser was obviously empty. Are they easily accessible? If you are double jointed and in the first flush of youth, probably.  I am not and am not in that order.  When said receptacle has been located, and unscrewed, no matter how empty one thinks it is.....it isn't. Drops of whatever was in there before has been waiting for this moment to drop all over your face! 

The receptacle has a life span of approximately four refills, then the plastic thread wears/cracks/splits never to be used again. Not a problem, I thought, grasping said piece of now useless plastic, and I set off for multiple hardware stores.  Can one just buy the plastic threaded soap holder?  Of course you can't. 

But, for vast amounts of extra dollars, you can buy the whole thing - new.     Grumbling to myself, I bought a replacement.  Then comes the next round of activity.  To remove the whole piece of now absolutely useless hardware, ideally one needs a flashlight, and two pair of pliers.  (I have no idea what the colloquial term is...I only know them as pliers.)   One should balance the flashlight between one's teeth, grasp the outer 'ring nut' (I don't know what you call that here, either) with one pair of pliers under the sink/wash basin then extend the unoccupied arm to about five times it's length so that somehow, purchase can be obtained on the upper piece, and attempt to loosen the holding nut.   

It is necessary at this stage to take two weeks off to restore the movement in your damaged rotator cuff.

Let us assume that the offending piece of equipment has been removed!  I have been told on very good authority that plugs are available that just slot into the hole that is now on your counter top waiting to receive earrings/pills/valuable jewelry etc, which would entail another forray into the dark unknown under the sink.

Memo to self:  "Self.... measure diameter of new hole accurately, because they make thousands of such plugs, and the one you buy will not fit the hole that has been created."

Believe me, I've been there, and will be going there several times again. 

So who is the evil genius that thought these 'fitted' soap dispensers were a great idea? His/her invitation to tea is hereby rescinded.

Thank goodness, it's tea time somewhere.  I'll invite a plumber.