Weeds or flowers? Your choice!

I know, because my neighbors turn their heads away as they pass, that it's time to weed.   My big decision is - what is a weed and what is a flower?  I have come to the conclusion that if it grows prolifically with a root system that reaches down to China then it has to be a weed.  If it cost a month's wages and is so delicate that even a soft spring rain will cause it to give up the ghost (or the root), then it's a flower. So my burning question of the month is why are weeds absolutely indestructible.  You can pull them out, you can burn them, you can swear at them and even pour salt on them....and a couple of weeks later, there they are again.  I have tried singing to my flowers (probably a mistake), praying over them, feeding them and generally tending them with a mother's loving care but they still die.  I have discussed this subject with landscapers, and gardening friends and they come up with the weirdest advice.  In the blue corner we have the 'lack of manure, lack of water, lack of various essential elements in the sand (oops - sorry, soil, forgot I was in Florida) and in the red corner are the group telling me that my sand (soil) is too wet, I am overfeeding the plants, and 'why don't you throw that packet of Epsom salts away, because that's all wrong for this region'. Maybe it's my choice of music!  I cannot believe that screaming hip hop is better suited to assisting flower growth than a lullaby, because it has stunted any personal growth to which I might have aspired.  So, I have come to the conclusion that there is a solution staring me in the gardening gloves.   I will allow the wimpy wannabee flowers to go to the great garden in the sky, and I will take a leaf (excuse the pun) out of John le Carre's spy novels and cultivate the weeds.  I will then be able to discard the highly expensive bug killers, the additives, the plant food and the thousands of bags of weed resistant mulch.  After all, they are just a sop for my vanity.  I will have a lawn that has NO grass...just the very pretty and seemingly indestructible dollar weed.  Benefit?  I can cancel the lawn service. The trees will retain their creeping vine clothing, no more ripping and searching for the tap roots of said vines, and I will be left with weed beds that are able to resist anything that's thrown at them.  Hurricanes?  Not a problem.  Drought?  No worries.  Swarms of locusts?  Not an issue.  I will lovingly tend my weeds. I will no longer have to continually repair the sprinkler system because my weeds seem to be impervious to hot weather and lack of water - and I will sit back and watch my bank balance revert to normal.   Maybe this idea will catch on.  If you are currently the owner of a plant nursery, you may want to find another line of work because I could be on to something big.   I hear cries of 'what about the lack of flowers?'  All I can say is that I have given the flower thing the old college try, but they are not working with me on this.  Former flowers are the horticultural reason that I am almost bankrupt. I have officially withdrawn from the flower race.  The worried face scuttling through gardening sections in big stores in the vain hope that I can find a solution to my former gardening problems will never be seen again.  That's it!  I'm finished!  Done!  Weeds will reign in my yard.  I am going to cut a variegated bunch of no name weeds as a fetching display for my dining room table.  Is there no end to my talents!