Why Internet Dating is Not Working for You

There are millions of people online right now scrolling through profile after profile searching for the love of their life. Sometimes it works, and there are wonderful dates and wedding bells lining up on the other end of the computer screen. We hear of friends and co-workers meeting their “soulmate” from a dating site and being blissfully happy together.

However, as a therapist, I know that for every love match made there are thousands of disappointed souls out there struggling to make sense of their online dating world.

If online dating is not working for you, I can help. Here are the top four things you can do right now to get better results:

1.KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

Often, we are looking for a person that doesn’t exist- we look for the person in the movie instead of the real deal. We pass up good people because they can’t meet the unreal standards we have created in our head. It is proven that money and good looks do not equal any more happiness in a relationship. So who are you passing up and what do you really want?

2.MAKE YOUR ONLINE PROFILE REPRESENT THE REAL YOU

An online profile that does not work is often set to what you think other people will be looking for in a date. It lacks passion and “realness” because it is not representing the authentic you. While you want to have a killer picture and witty title, that can all still come from who you are and what you want. You only have a few seconds for someone to decide if they are attracted to you. Win them over by looking and talking like the best version of you.

3.YOUR FRIENDS “LONELY” AND “DESPERATE” NEED TO GO

Lonely and desperate are not attractive characteristics in a date- ever! Nobody on the other end of a dating site is looking for someone who is lonely and desperate. And if “lonely” and “desperate” are around, no matter how much you pretend they are not there, these emotional states give themselves away. They impact your decision making skills and they push people away. The key to getting rid of lonely and desperate is to change your perception of life. You have to dive in and do something when you feel these emotions creeping in. Take a yoga class, join a group, have an adventure, ride your bike. The more soul-thriving fun you have, the less dominant these emotions are.

4.DETACH FROM THE RESULTS AND JUST PLAY

People that have the best results on dating sites are having fun with it. They are curious about the people that are showing up as matches; they are open to communicating with them, and they laugh at the results both good and bad.

These are the “big picture” ideas that will help improve your dating life. Sure, you can edit your profile, respond to suitors in a calculated way, but if you don’t change your vibe and ultimately, your emotional state the results will always be the same. Create a positive state and you will see positive results the next time you put your fabulous self out there in the magical world of online dating. HAVE FUN!