I consider myself to be one who strives to please people. This has occasionally brought me opportunity and joy. However, at times, it has also been a great source of pain. I think we can get so caught up in doing things for others or to please others, that it becomes an unhealthy habit. It breeds a lack of responsibility in others and also gives them control of our time and energy. Part of our adult lives should focus on evaluating what we choose to do with the time and energy we have been given. If I feel like I have to do something and it feels wearisome, confining and enslaving, I should ask myself, “Why is it that I am I doing this? Who am I doing this for? Is this the best choice for me and for my family? Or am I doing this based on things I thought were true or were demanded of me in the past that no longer make sense or are no longer appropriate? By doing this, am I encouraging someone else to avoid personal responsibility and wholeness?”
For years, I made decisions based on what I thought God wanted or on habits I developed growing up. After all, God wants us to help the people in our lives, right? At one time those decisions may have been appropriate, but we are constantly changing roles and the world around us is constantly changing. Things I did in the past or standards that I followed in the past may no longer work for me in my current state of life.
So how do we evaluate what we should do to help others? How do we change from making decisions based upon past expectations to making our decisions based upon what is right in our current situation. As always, the standard for living the Christian life is God’s Word. It has the answers to everything, including this dilemma.
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The verses that God brought to my mind a few years back were Matthew 11:28-30. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”(NIV) God acknowledges in this verse that there is a burden that we have to carry. He does have expectations for us in dealing with the people in our lives. But a sure-fire way to test that we are doing what he expects rather than fulfilling inappropriate demands for other people, is that His requirements refresh our souls. They do not enslave us. They do not make our stomach turn to knots every time we think of them. They MAY make us do things that require risk and they may challenge us, but the end result will always be the rest and satisfaction of knowing that we are doing exactly what He wants. Then, it doesn’t matter if others don’t like it. It not only sets the course for you to be whole, but it also may force others to get on the road to wholeness as well. For some folks, this is simple, but for me, it was a long, hard lesson on listening to God’s voice instead of everyone else’s.
