Are You on Face Book Yet?

Are you on Face Book yet? 

So many people are and that’s sorta cool. I’m on it. I check it several times a day to see what my friends are up to, but let’s be honest. I’m really checking to
see what my friends think about what I am up to. Is this not the modern pinnacle of narcissism? I will post a picture of what I prepared for dinner. Not because I want you to know what I cooked, but because I want you to say something nice about what I cooked. Shame on me.

Now I have lots of friends who put up pictures of their kids which is great. This is a sorta living Christmas Card as we watch your little angels grow weekly throughout the year as opposed to seeing on an annual basis what their physical changes have been. I cannot decide if I like the modern version better. Sometimes I feel like I’m in your kitchen. You invited me in I guess, but maybe I was kidnapped. 

No wedding in Dixie has taken place since May 15 that I have not seen at least a dozen pictures of.  In the good ole days, we used to read the Sunday Gazette to find a description of the bride’s gown and the mother’s dress.  Hell, now they are available to me before I go to bed Saturday night. We see the band and the drunken bridesmaids and the little kids with the bored looks or maybe the silly dance moves. Do we post this stuff to show how pretty the guests were or to show the uninvited that I got a ticket you did not earn? Anyone (including me) who does not admit to a bit of one-upmanship with many of our posts is in denial.

 The worst show offs are the vacation folks, of course. “Here I am in some place you should wish you were” is the un-typed title of many albums. Pink sunsets and half finished Mai Tai’s tell our ‘friends’ that we are again where you are not and this is the proof. I enjoy looking at this stuff myself but maybe not for the reasons the poster suspect. I’m looking for trash on the beach, a fat Brit or some sign of imperfection that tells me I might not like where they are as much as they think I would.  But I can be a jerk, so disregard my feelings.

The truth is, Face Book is loads of fun. I really do enjoy seeing pictures of
grandchildren of old fraternity brothers whether these kids are perched on
camels in Egypt or some grocery cart at Publix. I get to know what my friends spouses look like and see their pets.  I must be alert, however. There are people I thought were clever who turn out to be Face Book bores and people who I thought would be predictable who can make my day.

Things not to bother me with on Face Book: Witty or Sweet or Emotional quotes from some dead man’s pen. Games. Farms. The crap where you try to make me feel guilty about not reposting. Videos of rock bands you like. That horoscope
junk. Things that attempt to make you look closer to God than I am. Admittedly, the list is fairly long, but as a veteran of this media I have learned to ignore quite well.

A lot of my readers are not on Face Book, and I think I understand. Maybe they feel the train has left and it’s going to be embarrassing to learn the ropes publically. I consider it sort of an initiation… get on board, try it… yes, you will do something stupid… but you will be forgiven.