Lakes are so Cool. Ponds are.....Ponds

It’s gettin' warmer, obviously, and the back part of my right thigh is itchin’ so I gotta believe there’s a swimmin’ adventure in my near future. Bein’ local and fond of water I will use just about any excuse to doff my duds and get full-on wet in the closest thing that qualifies as fresh or salt or brackish water.

I’d rather be cold and wet than warm and dry. Well, those references are subjective of course, but I do love that feelin’ of climbin’ out of a good place to swim and watchin’ the goose bumps climb up my arm.

But what have I been swimmin’ in? I know a river, the water moves. And a creek is like a river but you can jump over it or wade through it or see the bottom of it.  Rivers are good for swimin’ and creeks are good for giggin’ and crayfish. My concern today is: am I gonna swim in a lake or a pond?

When a man looks upon a still body of water, not associated with an ocean or sea, he presumes he is considering a lake or a pond. But which is which? They both probably have fish in ‘em and they both can float a row boat. But to me, one sounds like a Saturday night keg party and the other is dinner at Aunt Thelma’s.

Ponds: Ponds are hot. The water is hot and all the air around the pond is hot.  You may have a tree for shade, but it’s still hot under that tree. Even in winter, the water and air may not be really hot, but they are not inviting. 

Pond water is mostly brown or green, certainly not clear. Ponds most likely have a ring of red clay around the edge and somethin’ rusted either in the bottom or about to be in the bottom. People who swim nekked in ponds get caught. Mostly ‘cause of the rust ring around their bottoms. 

When you stand on the edge of a pond, you can see the whole pond. It may be a 20-acre pond or a one-acre pond, but you can see the whole hot, muddy thing. Should you find yourself standing on the bottom in the middle of that pond, your head will not be underwater.Catfish will bite you and snakes will scare you. I do not enjoy ponds.

Lakes are cool. Lakes are cool in every single sense of the word. There is shade at lakes and the water refreshes. Even a small lake is deep enough to swim on down and find a cool spot. People who take people skinny dippin’ in lakes often marry those people ‘cause the memory is just so darned wonderful they do not want to think of it with anyone else. 

Beautiful largemouth bass and shiny sunfish or bream live in lakes. The snakes are all off scarin’ the pond people. When you stand on the shore of a lake, you cannot see the entire lake.  This is heartwarming, ‘cause there might be a girls camp just over there where you cannot see. 

The water in a lake is worthy of drinking. But you don’t have to ‘cause you brought all that cold beer to enjoy while you are down at the lake. I really, really enjoy lakes.

My daddy was a wonderful man.  As proof, he built a 10-acre lake on the family farm the year I was born. If I  attempted to relate to you the good times had, planned on havin’ or almost had on that site, you would call me a liar and disregard this entire essay. So I will not. 

Frequently, based solely on the presumed size of our lake, friends would refer to it as a pond. They were forgiven the first time and corrected. The second time, they were remembered and therefore, forgotten. 

Our little lake was cool and deep and had sweet water and shade.  There was no place along the bank you could stand and see it all. That Camp could be anywhere.  There was no red clay ring around it no matter the season and the inner tubes never seemed to lose air, their duty fulfilled all summer long.

I know Yankees refer to some huge lakes as ponds. Thoreau’s Walden Pond is damn big and Henry Fonda’s Golden Pond had Chris Craft for goodness sakes.  But they are up North where confusion reigns. I pray not one of us in Dixie will fall victim to their ignorance.

It’s gonna be a hot Spring. Heck, it’s hot already.  Go find a lake of any size and strip down as far as you dare. It will be a wonderful day. Don’t even think about snakes.