He Who Dies with the Most ____ Wins: The Adult Dorm

 ~  In The Land of the Blind, the Man Who Lives Next to the Adult Dorm is Jealous.  ~

                 I read this great travel book called “The Geography of Bliss” (Eric Weiner, Twelve Books, NY, 2008) where a journalist traveled around the world looking for the happiest place on Earth.  I’m not sure that he came to any hard conclusions.  I haven’t either (except that Texas is definitely not the happiest place).  It’s a good read.  I’d recommend it. 

                Something he wrote really hit me hard in the frontal lobe.  “Social scientists estimate that about 70 percent of our happiness stems from our relationships…and what does money do?  It isolates us from other people.  It enables us to build walls, literal and figurative, around ourselves.  We move from a teeming college dorm to an apartment to a house and, if we’re really wealthy, to an estate.  We think we’re moving up, but really we’re walling off ourselves.” (p.114)

                Maybe it’s because I live in a college town, but damn, that guy hit the nail on the head.  People need to be around other people.  Cave dwellers aren’t happy.  That’s why they’re always throwing their feces at curious spelunkers.  College is a happy time, full of friendships, but usually not money.  And we measure success by money, not friendships.  There’s no friend retirement account.  We don’t measure success by how many people show up for our funeral.  But maybe we should.

                I especially liked the chapter where Weiner traveled to Bhutan, the country where they actually have a Gross Domestic Happiness measurement scale.  Look it up.  Despite the possible literary basis, Bhutan isn’t Shangri-La.  They’ve been known to ethnically cleanse their small country (with deportation rather than flame-throwers---and having the Bhutanese INS on your back doesn’t produce as much unhappiness as rocket launchers and land mines, but the result of the policy is the same).  In the 21st century, it’s hard to describe any country that bases policy on the idea of ethnic purity as paradise, but Weiner describes the Bhutanese as a pretty happy people overall.   

                Alternately, look at the ripple effects of that recent song, Pharrell Williams’ “Happy.”  It has nothing to do with money.  The guy is just HAPPY, and his happiness has caused ripple effect mass happiness, concentric circles of bliss.  Other than those thirteen people who got arrested in SomewherefarawayASTANRAN for dancing on a roof to the song, most of the news surrounding this latest incarnation of happiness IS HAPPY.  That gives me hope for the future.  The guy isn’t saying that he needs a million-dollar estate with guard dogs, hot, but vapid girls in bikinis and a car that costs more than your grandparents’ house in order to be happy.  He’s just saying that he’s happy.  Happy begets happy, unless you live in SomewherefarawayASTANRAN.  Then you’re probably not happy.

                So what is it that really makes us happy?  It’s not money alone.  Money can facilitate a lot of the activities that CAN make us happy, but we don’t treat it as a means to an end.  We treat it as an end in and of itself.  We plan and scheme and work so that we can buy that estate, not so that we can move into an adult dorm.  We strive to earn piles of money so that we can eventually not have to work for money anymore.  If we really chased happiness instead of money, retirement wouldn’t be a necessary idea.  Why would you want to retire from an activity that you love doing?  

                I like the idea of an adult dorm.  We’d have to modify the college dorm model a little bit to make it acceptable for people over the age of twenty-two, but it’s doable.  As long as we don’t have to endure group toilets and own a pair of flip-flops that we wear exclusively in the shower, the adult dorm is doable.  As long as some of the unspoken college dorm rules were relaxed to accommodate the fact that forty-five-year-olds don’t want to stay up until four AM every night, the adult dorm is doable.  As long as we replace the keg stand with a nice, subdued cocktail hour wine bar, the adult dorm is doable.  It's being done.  

                We can still have money and the adult dorm.  The guy in 3A might spend his money on a big TV, so everyone will gather in his room to watch the Super Bowl.  The girl in 14F might have a balcony with a hot tub, so people will gravitate to her balcony on cold nights.  The guy in 12E might make fake IDs that say that we’re all in our early 30s, which could come in handy in societal transition to the adult dorm.  

                Right now, society looks down on adults who don’t own houses, cars, and enough space to keep them away from other, poorer, adults.  We can change that with the adult dorm.  Even if all the dormies are overeducated, underpaid, and sleep in trundle beds, at least everyone will be together.  So smile.  They say it'll make people curious about you--you might even fool yourself into being HAPPY!   And it won't cost a cent.