The Stages of Grief: How these stages may affect our wellbeing.

The Stages of Grief: How these stages may affect our wellbeing.

The five stages, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance are all part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with a loss. These stages are not always pleasant but they are necessary and part of life. The stages do not happen in structured steps, in fact someone may go in and out from one step to the next. These steps may last a few minutes, several days or possibly several months. Some people also experience different or more stages of grief than others. The steps listed are the most common noted steps during the grief process. However, just like people and life itself there is no cookie cutter approach. We are not all alike but rather different and are created to do things differently. That’s what makes us unique and one of a kind from the next person.

At first grief can feel like you are out in a rowboat lost at sea with nothing to grasp onto or anything to keep you feeling safe and secure. Due to this feeling many often enter the first stage of grief known as Denial.

During the first stage we are in a state of Denial and shock known as the Denial stage. Denial helps us be able to manage with small bits of the issue allowing us to cope with the situation a little easier. Denial puts us in a sort of unreal or fantasy place with our mind and soul.

The next stage is Anger. You may be angry at the situation, friends, family or even God. This is a natural reaction. Under this Anger is pain in which you may feel deserted or alone. Anger has gotten a bad rapt and it should not. Anger is a normal emotion and we all feel it. The behavior behind the anger is what is important to keep in check. It is important to embrace and feel this emotion of anger in order to get past it and move on to the next stage which is Bargaining.

Bargaining during this stage we plea to God or a higher being that we will do whatever is demanded just don’t let this happen or to be true. It is during this stage Guilt often rises up. We may feel we should have been there more often or done something better. Bargaining may seem unrealistic but it is part of the grief process and does not seem that farfetched to the person experiencing it.

Depression is another stage of the grief process. Depression comes once we are able to take it all in and reality and the present set in. Depression is a normal and appropriate response. When a loss enters into your soul and you experience the pain and hurt this is normal. It is normal for you to feel upset and depressed. It may be unusual if you did not feel saddened or depressed after a loss of something or someone that was important to you. Depression is a necessary step in the healing process of grief.

The next stage is Acceptance. Acceptance happens once you have grasped reality and are trying your best to move forward. We are trying our best to live in the world with only the memories of the loved one. The past has forever changed as we knew it and we are doing our best to move on with life. The world as we knew it has changed and we must do our best to adapt to these changes. It is okay and we must give ourselves permission to seek out new friends, relationships or joys in life. No, you are not betraying the one you lost but rather still living. After all don’t you believe they would want us to continue living life and to be happy? In the past, society has made Acceptance more difficult and dictated how long we should be in a depressed state. This is no longer the thought of society. Most people in society today would want people to move through the grief process as swift but as thorough as possible. Remember the grief process may cycle through the stages many times, only you know where you are in the process, so if you are feeling better, then go on and start rebuilding your damaged soul.   

Life is not always pleasant and sometimes we may not always understand, but we must do our best to embrace the process and cope with life’s unfortunate events. Some people turn to medication, drugs or alcohol to cope with grief. Others may find comfort in prayer, exercise, counseling or talking with friends and family. People cope with grief in many different ways. For more info contact Lifetime Counseling.