Dating After Divorce "Dealing With Loss"

By: Kenneth Stepp

Loss…. We have face it sooner or later. I tend to be confident and cocky most of the time. But, loss is a huge part of my life. A loss seldom comes one day and is gone the next. It lingers long enough to alter us. Some in small ways, some in big ways. Loss is forever chipping away at our edges, like an artist with a hammer and chisel. Sculpting a person we have not yet become.

I have found loss comes in many forms. If a couple both work and one loses their job. They can probably still live indoors and eat. When a single loses their job. It can be devastating. The same can be said for a car going down as well. So, the level in some is much higher for a single. Emotional loss is another thing. I have a dear friend that lost her husband in a helicopter crash in the Army. The amount of time that passes will never heal that hurt. It might make it easier to navigate life. Not heal though. Loss of love in any form is going to hit hard.

I have someone very dear to me that suffered an abusive relationship for years. Tied together by a child. She is amazing. When she finally escaped his chaotic nature. She created another life in the US. Her history was in the military. I remember her stories about becoming a server at a restaurant, working at a package store, etc. A struggling single mom, no help from the child’s father. Because he was dangerous, she never made contact with him again. Momma bear indeed. Thankfully, she landed a great job at a huge airline company. Her strength and  tenacity were what got my attention. Her loss, eventually, became her gain. Her girls are amazing. In some cases, time is an amazing thing.

We all have suffered loss. At least those of us not living in a bubble. Life just isn’t easy. We can make it harder though. But, that will be a subject for another day. For me. I have surrounded myself with new friends. In 2007 I had a theft in my business. $1.3 million. It was an incredible loss. One day I was wealthy, a man of standing in the community, my business was ranked #1 by D&B in Georgia, and we were living the dream. The next day, we lost our homes, cars, credit, standing, and reputation. I was black-balled from the business I spent decades in. My bankruptcy was over $8 million dollars, took 3 long years to fight through, and left me, a person that seemed to have tons of friends, alone and broke.  I was 6 months from walking away. I had an offer of net 2 million. I was retiring. Even though 4 people went to prison, and 2 are still there while I write this. The rumors about me still pop up now and then. It was life changing. It eventually crashed my marriage too. If we love someone. They will disappoint at times. When someone we have invested our hearts in disappoints us, it cuts deeper than when a stranger does it.

Being part of a “tribe” has always been who I am. I never realized this until I became a roommate with a mother and daughter in Woodstock Georgia. The dog, cats, and the girls. They became my tribe. I enjoyed being in their family. I want to be a part of one again. My losses have stacked so high, I stopped counting them months ago. Lately, the wins have been flowing though. Yes. The sun does shine on fools and dreamers too. I am thankful for that. It appears, I am both. I love this simple quote.

“Pain changes people” ― Bazil Patel

Assets are positive things in our lives. Time, health, real friends, and real love are mine. I thrive on them all. Do you have these things as assets? If not. Are you actively trying to add some? If not, why? Without positives to battle the negative, where do you find balance? Today is a very special day for me. I will experience something very new. Call it a positive. I guess that remains to be seen. One thing about those of us that struggle with loss. We still like to win.

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works