Dating After Divorce “Hidden Love & Secret Longing”

By: Kenneth Stepp

Love that must stay under the radar. No one can know. Secret, even to the subject themselves. If this sounds like a romance novel to you, I’m with you. It sounds so strange to fall for someone and keep it to yourself. Yet I am convinced it happens more that we know. A person loves someone, but dates others. Or worse yet, is in a relationship with another. Take it one more scenario deep. They love someone but never tell them. All of these happen.

Longing for someone is something I have done. Quietly, secretly, and never ever told a soul. I never spoke it in my sleep. Nothing. These feelings are strong, and they hang with us a while. Sometimes, a lifetime. Mine began years ago. Still pop up every so often. I get a picture of her in my mind and, well, she’s perfect. This doesn’t mean I want to be with her. She is simply a fantasy. No one can be the person we imagine they are. Can’t happen. Where we lose sight of the real world is when we think differently. Trouble is just around the corner from that thought. I don’t believe I have ever been the object of this. But, anyone can be.

Love and longing. Two very different meanings. Both intense and powerful. Both, very misunderstood. Love isn’t something that ever dies or goes away. Longing is all feelings. It can be a foundation for love to grow though. I’m learning that real love can scare some. They don’t understand it, because no one has ever really loved them this way. First it excites them, then it scares them, and sooner or later, they even vilify it. Very sad when that happens. I have seen it myself. And longing from a distance is interesting. Since I have done it, I will say this. It feels weird to do. You know something is wrong. But can’t stop. You can control your actions, but not your feelings. Like I said. Powerful.

Secretly loving another is miserable. I cannot imagine. The torture of living your life faking your focus. And love makes you focus. It compels us to dwell on the object of our love. A more powerful force has never existed. Nor a more complete one. I’ll also add that we do both of these at a time too. Longing and loving are together many times. A double whammy of painfulness. Carrying a secret this big would change a person inside. Maybe forever. I read stories of people who waited years to admit their love for another. Some of them are beautiful, some end poorly, and some are at graveside. God help me that never happens in my life. I suppose if they read me, they would know.

Are you carrying a secret? Love or longing? Both?  On our publication site, we have a place for anonymously stating your secret. I see many with desires, longings, and loves held close. Most of them are only known by one person. What secrets to bear. It must be so painful. I feel tension release when they write their secret publicly. I know this seems like a strange way to confess. But, it’s safe and confession is good for the soul.

Today, as a flawed man who is trying to figure life out, I have few answers and many questions. But, unlike many. I find myself asking the hard questions and thinking the big thoughts. My goal in writing is to bring my readers into my journey. It isn’t an easy one. I go to some pretty dark places. But, ever the optimist. I believe I will reach the promise land, That I will find my forever. That she will find the same in me. Happily ever after is still something I believe happens. Do you?

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works