Dating After Divorce "How Do I?"

By: Kenneth Stepp

Dating after divorce. It can be a dilemma. I would say, none of us know how at first. Where we get into trouble, is thinking we do.So many bad things can happen. A few more if you happen to be a girl. The obvious ones. I’ll unpack that as best I can.

I Was Damaged

I am what is known as “dangerously optimistic”. This, in a fluid world that is being single, or, as I often say, my singledom. Can be fraught with dangers around every decision. I fell too hard (completely), for the first girl I met. This was my rebound relationship. I just marvelled at what a lucky man I was. The first girl I met was my “Forever”. Of course, Crash and Burn were cracking jokes in the next room. I believe the proverbial, last laugh was invented by them.  

Although girls are just as vulnerable to rebound relationships and false starts as us guys. There are also dangers we may not think about. Safety is the big one. After all. They are meeting perfect strangers. As a protector. The thought of this makes my head spin. They could actually be taking their life in their hands, for a chance to meet a guy. I say this all the time. Being single over 40 is hard. But, being single over 40 and being a girl, is the hardest. It’s like a system designed for men.

If a guy wants to date many girls. It’s pretty easy to do. Sex is plentiful, it’s much safer for them. And, I believe they have more choices. Options, so to speak. Yesterday i met a girl sitting at a table in front of Shillings, on the square, in Marietta Ga. She told me about a guy she had been seeing. He makes sure that everyone in his orbit thinks he is with Homeland Security. For me, with my background. I believe he is making that up. Plus. He has too many traits of a stalker. Possibly a dangerous stalker. Having a history of helping girls that were being stalked. This guy sounds like a real potential. As a big guy, capable of defending myself. It wouldn’t concern me that much. If I were a girl. I should concern me. A lot.

The title makes it sound like I have answers. First, I have very few. Second. I’m not sure answers exist. Dating these days is complex and burdensome. Landmines are everywhere. Sometimes I am a landmine to another. I am out there. When I am happy, I am the extravert supreme. I believe most girls like an extravert. Maybe we are easier to talk to. My thoughts anyway.

I Damage Others

Hurting someone else is a terrible feeling. I know I have too. This makes me so sad. Mostly because I have been hurt. It isn’t much fun. So far, I still don’t know if mine will be permanent or end one day. My damage remains. So, damaging another is not something I want to do.

It is my belief that before we allow ourselves to get lost in the dating world. We must first learn to navigate the being alone world. There are always a few things that your old partner did that you took for granted. Now, it’s all on you. After that, learn to cope with down time. The “aloneness” can be crippling. Figure these things out. Then dive in. I love meeting new people. Part of my happy place has them in it. In the mean time. Enjoy the ride.

k@kstepp.com