Dating After Divorce “Lies, Deceit, & Reality”

By: Kenneth Stepp 

It isn’t often I begin writing without knowing the direction I am going. This subject is one of the most important. I wanted it to travel freely and land where it wants. So forgive my rambling in advance. 

Lies: 

When I ask women what they want or don’t want. Almost all immediately say, NO LIARS! It must be prevalent. And, it must have hurt many. The longer someone is single. The better they become at selling themselves. I guess that is the nature of singlehood. Maybe we are all liars on different levels. I say I’m 6 ft 2. I’m really 6 ft 1 ¾. It’s still a lie. It won’t matter to most. But to the 6 ft 2 girl I would go out with. It might. Before you say this doesn’t compare to how someone has lied to you. Remember that a lie is a lie. 

For those just dating, lies are probably going to be a part of your lives. No real incentive to tell the truth if a lie gets to “the goal” faster. This is what I see at least. For those of us seeking a life with another. Lies just keep us apart and we know it. 

Deceit: 

Some say that deceit and lies are the same thing. I don’t believe they are. When I was first thrust into the single arena, I wasn’t legally divorced. It was imminent. We only lacked one initial. My status was still single. I honestly thought by the time I met someone, it would all be over. Well, it dragged on and on. The marriage had been over for years, I lived alone. I was to me, single. As someone who believes marriage to be a racket, a signature from a judge made little difference in my status in life. To me there are far worse. One girl who has genital herpes was having an outbreak. She slept with a guy without protection. I got scared just hearing this one. But, that’s what’s out there. Welcome to the new single game. 

Reality: 

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like” – Lao Tzu 

Letting things simply flow……. Do you suck at that as badly as me? I see something going the wrong direction. I jump in front of it like Superman stopping a train. I’m compelled to direct my future. I describe myself as laid back in an intense way. In my head. that makes sense. And those that spend time with me get it. 

Everyone has their own reality. What is true for one, will not be for another. It’s why there are so many religions, and then sects inside so many different ones. All believing themselves to have the “real” truth. And blindly defend it to the death. Perception is truth. Reality is simply perceived by the person living in it. This thought keeps me humble. I do not have answers. Only questions. If I meet my “Forever”, and she lies, deceives, and alters my reality. I’ll just know, like me, we need to evolve together. Maybe then our realities will blend together. Why bother? Because love will exist. Love always wins. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. But, it is the most powerful force in the universe. Rock, paper, scissors, love. Love wins every time. 

www.stepplife.com 

Founder, American Angel Works