Dating After Divorce "Out of Bounds"

By: Kenneth Stepp

What do the words, out of bounds mean to you? I’m guessing they mean different things to different people. To me, they can mean many things. Maybe depending on the situation or timing. If we meet online, talk on the phone a few times, and you wind up in my driveway uninvited. That qualifies has out of bounds. Creepy too.If you aren’t a stalker, you’re in training to be one. If we meet for the first time and things are going well for a few minute, you believe exploring me physically is cool. Again, out of bounds. Hot maybe. But still. We share a few emails and texts, you ask to borrow money. That would be a blockable offense for sure. Inappropriate as well.

What’s your out of bounds? I’ve covered the geographic, physical, and financial already. There are more. I love you on the second date is certainly one to me. Although, I fell for it once. That was costly. Still is. Probably will be for a while longer. You see, the emotional out of bounds can be the most damaging, yet the most subtle. Many of the girls I have spoken with talk of the emotional abuse in their past. Many things can make us vulnerable to this. Desperation, just being ready for something different, naivete (that was mine), etc.Whatever our reason. We have all been faced with an out of bound moment or event. What made your walls come down? Something had to. We all recognize something out of bounds when we see it. But something happens at times that make us say, it’s ok “This time”. It isn’t of course. We just think it is.

Perhaps one day someone much smarter than myself will come up with a bullshit app. Wouldn’t that be awesome? You feel your walls coming down, defenses are vanishing. An alert goes off on your smartphone. You pick it up, enter your security code and find a “RUN, THAT’S BULLSHIT” blinking on the screen. Now that could be a useful piece of software. It would also be handy while your teenager explains why they were late, or when buying a car. Saved by the Geek Squad again.

Seriously. We can imagine a world where everyone is honest and nothing promised doesn’t happen. But, that is in fact, imaginary. Like the economic recovery, and, real help from the government. No matter how long these myths are fed to us, they are still no more than wishful thinking and media hype.

My out of bound moments are few. I have almost no boundaries where many others might. Although, from my experience. Few have the boundaries the general population believes exist in America. I find far more openness than I believed I would. I find this refreshing. The geographical boundaries are probably the most important to me. Maybe because I am too guarded at the moment emotionally. Either way. No creepy please.

Whatever your biggest boundary is, it is important very important to you. That is normal and ok. Remember. Relationships are like everything else in life. They have the same risk reward  systems built in. No risk, no reward. My vision of my forever love is amazing. For that, I will risk it all. I have before, will again. What do you want more than anything else? Can you see it?

k@kstepp.com

Founder, American Angel Works