Dating After Divorce "Return To Sender"

By: Kenneth Stepp

Return to sender has bad connotations to me. Someone wasn’t where you left them. Maybe even lost. There are more, but you get my drift. Nothing good about getting a card back with that on it. A connection of some kind has disconnected from you. Maybe on purpose.

I watched a B movie once called, “The Stupids” It was about a family of absolute idiots that understood the mail marked returned to sender, to be a conspiracy by a man actually named, Mr Sender. He was played by Captain Kangaroo, I believe. Don’t laugh. I actually bought the movie. Yes, mind numbing silliness is something I enjoy.

For the narcissists among us, it means nothing. A zero sum total. NEXT! For those of us that have been hurt by loss. Another one is simply more loss. Something else to weigh us down until we deal with it. This has been a metaphor. I’m hoping you got that. This is about loss. Not a piece of mail. The losing of someone meaningful in our life. We’ve all faced it. We meet someone. We get to know them. We feel a connection. And one day, our email or text is not returned. A digital, return to sender to the heart. If I have an experience. Then I assume others have. I’m not that special. Unique, only because everyone is. But special, I’m not.

Let’s face it. We lose people. One day they are there. The next, gone. I should say, one year they are there, the next, gone. It’s more accurate. When I had a large theft in my business. I lost everything. Homes, commercial properties, my livelihood, and worse than anything. I lost friends. Or at least people I thought were friends. It’s been years. Every now and then I run into one of them. Trust me. Either they are still lost, or I am. Nothing there either way. It was so painful when it happened. People I invested in for years, I trusted them with my life. Gone. I was on ignore.

Relationships of all kind are this way. As the sender. i send my friendship. Sometimes all i get is an echo from the vastness out there.It still bugs me. But, not so much anymore. Time in this case is a healer. That, and no longer caring what others think too.

Romantic relationships are different. I see or think of an old flame. I play, “what if”, or “if only”. Again. I’m not the only one. I believe everyone does. Or most. I wonder why these relationships differ from friendships. I’ve had my share of loss. More So in the last year than at any point in my life. It messes with you. You wonder if you have lost your mind. I guess that is up to the people watching me go through this journey. I believe the jury is still out on this one.

Having loved and lost is one thing. Having almost loved and lost is another. Meeting someone with great potential. Everything on your list is checked, you’re pumped. Then, they’re gone…. Leaves you with a huge, “WHAT HAPPENED!!” Dating after forty years of age is only a game to some. And they are diabolical. They leave a trail of damage and confusion. I’ve often wondered why. If they are just looking to hookup. There are plenty out there that want the same thing. Why not find each other? They play with hearts and minds. Unfortunately, they can cause those that do not to seem like they do. Damage runs it’s course.

If I had advice worth taking. I would say. Stop the merry go round and take a break. When you’re ready again. Get back on. Until then. Enjoy watching it go around and the tacky music it makes.

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works