Dating After Divorce "What Defines Us"

By: Kenneth Stepp

He’s funny, she’s gorgeous, they’re rich, poor, crazy, etc. It seems like we all search the dictionary for a one word description for those that share our world with us. When i bring up someone in my memory bank, I find they are indeed filed under one word or the other. Now you see the mind I was handed to work with. Perhaps it’s damaged like my heart.

Our emotional filing system can cause problems. It can cause us not to see someone as they are. The human condition wants to file and be done. So, if we file someone as a tightwad, but it turns out the reason they are frugal is so they can afford to help others. We miss the good in them. You can imagine the scenarios that could be as well.

“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves” – William Arthur Ward

Discovering the best in others. Now that, is worth doing. Unfortunately, preconceived evaluation makes it difficult most of the time. I do it all the time. When I catch myself. I stop, and listen. Everyone has layers. I am often put into categories that I know I shouldn’t be in. Misunderstood and maligned. I know. I’ve heard the feedback. Then when I do something unselfish. These same people try to fit that act into a space it will never fit. Luckily, I stopped caring what people thought of me a while back. If you choose to live the public life I have. You have to stop caring. I have met others that care too much about other’s opinions. It destroys them. It can be a barrier between us and joy.

For me, I believe my definition is all over the map. It depends on who you ask. Professional a$$hole to many that know me as an ethics watchdog. Greatest guy in the world, to those helped through my nonprofit. Profound writer, to the few that get my meaning when I write. Hopeless dreamer, to those who read me and don’t care for my work. So you see why I quit caring about what others think of me. I’m the same guy in all of these. Yet, am seen very differently to all. For this reason, stop allowing what other’s believe about you to affect how you do life. It is holding you back. And they do not care.

Let’s talk about how you see others. Understanding how I am seen, was my lame way of showing you two things. Why opinions of you don’t matter. And, that you are probably not seeing the real person you have done this to in your life. You are missing out on some of the best people in your life because you aren’t taking time to see the entire person. This isn’t just in romance. It’s in all relationships.

Being seen as one certain way cost me the love of my life. And, I believe, the love of hers as well. You really could miss the most important person in your life and never know it, What a travesty. One that cannot be fixed, because if you don’t know it’s broke, you never think to fix it. So. Go deep into your inventory of those you’ve filed. See what you are missing. It could take time. It will take work. It will be worth it to see people in a better light. To possibly see the real (Their name here).

Overlooking an entire human because we set them in the particular box we felt they deserved at the moment is just wrong. Patience, gentleness, and kindness will show a big win for us. It certainly won’t hurt. Remember. When people judge you, and you ignore it. It creates strength in you.

“I owe much to my friends; but, all things considered, it strikes me that I owe even more to my enemies. The real person springs life under a sting even better than under a caress” – Andre Gide

Let me be clear. I still prefer the caress. But the sting made me a warrior. It can do the same for all of you. Stop believing one thing about others. They are all more than that. Look, think, and open your mind. This like nothing else, will change you into a better person. It will open your life to greater potential too.

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works