Do I Matter? & Her Emotional Tank

By: Kenneth Stepp

Have you ever had that thought? Do I matter? I am writing this about being a woman. Although I have never been a woman, I have gotten to know more than a few. For us guys, life is very easy by comparison. For one thing, testosterone runs our emotional being. Aggression and strength are the natural ingredients running through our veins. Estrogen is the chemical directing traffic through her body. Loving, nurturing, and gentleness are the substance of her make up. Seems unfair to me.

Some call her the fairer sex. Those of us that have ever played Words With Friends with her, know better. Why? Because when we win, she has allowed it. Well, at least in my case. But I love smart women. The differences between a girl and a boy are staggering. Not just plumbing you know. Men can run 24/7 in hunter gatherer mode. Girls, cannot. Society and social evolution has changed the position in life for her. But, in the end, she is still a girl. Most of the time, a girl with a guy that doesn’t understand the complex person he has partnered with. Unlike us guys. She has needs beyond, sex, drugs, and rock & roll. She is a whole being.

We've all heard the expression, "Treat her like a lady". Well, it's true. And deserved.  She is an amazing creation. She has deep capacity to love. And can be much stronger than us guys, even though we seldom understand what emotional strength is. A very raw example of this can be seen when someone threatens a bear cub. Or a mamma lion thinks her cub is at risk. It's a natural strength.

Being a girl comes with far more risks in life. One is that most violent criminals are guys that prey on girls. The other, estrogen, and the other things that make her incredible, also come with health care risks that men never have to worry about.

Our girls open their hearts to us guys. I know the little I have done this, that this comes with great vulnerability. Knowing the risk, they lower their armor and offer themselves up. One more time. This is amazing to me. We men are to guard their hearts with all we have. When did we stop doing this? I was with my wife 26 years. She always knew she was beautiful and special. No, we were not living in the Zen world where everything was peaches & cream.  But a few things were consistent. She would never suffer from thinking she was anything but gorgeous. She was never in danger if I was there. And, she was always held in a place of honor. How did we fail? I wonder that sometimes myself. But, fail we did. We allowed the external to invade the internal. If that happens once. There is a chink in the armor and you better repair it quickly. If not, the relationship IS ending. The time frame is different for everyone. But, the trajectory is the same.

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side” - Zig Ziglar

I will always have your back baby. The same side indeed. Zig lived this, he didn’t just throw out a quote. My friend, Da was driving him home from a speaking engagement. Zig asked if he would mind stopping on the way. Of course Dan said no problem. They stopped at an ice cream shop. Zig bought a certain flavor and off they went. He said, I don’t care for it, but my wife loves it. I like to bring her a treat when I’m in the area.

I’m sure I got most of that story right. You can see what a man that honored his best girl does. Sometimes, it’s a small gesture. Maybe a big one every now and then. Honor, respect, and knowing there is only one side.

k@kstepp.com

Founder, American Angel Works