Single Again & The Relationship

By: Kenneth Stepp

Let me say upfront that I am unqualified to give ANY advice about relationships. At least, romantic relationships. 100% of the ones I have had, are now in my rear view. I have, however studied them as they went zooming past. They have been confusing, hot, cold, and somewhere in between. Then there was the second day in the relationship. Kidding.....

There are a few things I took note of. Traits maybe. The relationship starts too soon. This can actually, and often does, after the first date. The level of commitment is very different to the two. One seems more "enthusiastic" about the relationship than the other. This is quite natural. They are two completely different humans. And last, a "relationship" means different things to both of them. Again, two individuals. Not robots, following software data. Yet one or both are confused why the relationship they are in isn't like they thought it would be.

"Men don't have to be perfect to make women happy. All a man really needs to do is love her like he promised when they first dated" - Unknown

I hear things like I just quoted often. But, in the daily grind of a relationship, things happen quickly. One believes they should have contact several times daily. The other thinks communicating a few times per week is solid enough. It's a race to see who will shut it down first. The one that feels neglected, or the one that feels smothered. After all. This isn't marriage. It isn't that kind of commitment. Then what kind is it? That is at the core of the problem.

Define commitment. To me. It is promising yourself forever to another person. Always have been. My ex and I were together 26 years. Until the day I asked her to marry me, and she accepted. I was single. I was not committed. Today, there are so many differing opinions about what a commitment is, a relationship is, or a casual, let's just go out thing is. Maybe I should be writing a rule book. Of course, when someone got to a part they disagreed with, no more rule book. Do you see the problem now? Everyone defines relationship internally. And no one agrees. It's why people are changing their Facebook Relationship Status every time the wind blows.

Dating...... A lost concept. No such thing anymore. You are either in a relationship, or out. No in between. My mind drifts to the ultimate man. James Bond. Can you imagine him attempting to navigate these waters? As he eases a girl he met 3 minutes ago down on the bed. She quickly changes her Facebook status from her smartphone, and asks him what he wants for breakfast the next day. Her mother will be cooking it. His jet-pack would be belting out fire and smoke as fast as he could strap it on and hit the button.

The relationship we search for might be an amazing one. It is doomed if it only exists inside of one persons head. Mainly because they have to find another human to comply to their idea about what a real relationship looks like.

Once again. I create more questions than find answers. Like I said. I’m no expert. I am just a fellow traveler on the same journey. Every now and then, the waves subside and I rest on an island. Just like you.

k@kstepp.com

Founder, American Angel Works