How to Show the 47 Percent You Really Care About Them in 17 Easy Steps by Mitt Romney

(Also known as a day in the life of Mitt Romney, 10/30/12.)

Step 1: Double up on Walmart stock.

Step 2: Go Walmarting the day of a major disaster, buy $5,000 worth of groceries. (Note: Use Black Card, double miles on Mondays.)

Step 3: Hold a campaign rally the day after the disaster.

Step 4: Find out if Governor of affected state will invite you to tour damage with him.

Step 5: No step 5, subject to change.

Step 6: Rename the campaign rally "Disaster Relief Support," and leave everything else intact.

Step 7: Tell Campaign Surrogates not to engage in political warfare during this
“time of need”. (Note: Ann’s words, not mine.)

Step 8: Give the groceries piece by piece to people attending the Rally, er, Relief Support.

Step 9: Get photographed thanking the same people as they give the groceries back to you.

Step 10: Give speech putting fear of God into car workers in Ohio, something about Jeep jobs going to China (lol – just love it!)

Step 11: Remind campaign surrogates to attack opponent during their speeches.

Step 12: Realize that the Red Cross website has always said they will not accept groceries.

Step 13: Reserved for flip flop of Step 5.

Step 14: Double down on Jeep lie.

Step 15: For the love of all humanity, DON’T answer any questions! Intrade numbers will go south!

Step 16: What to do with groceries now?? Too heavy for car elevator – pass them off on Ryan.

Step 17: Remind yourself when you go to bed what a tremendous difference you’ve made – Walmart stock probably up by 5 percent!  Yeah, baby!