Dogs Smoking in Restaurants and other Kirkwood Problems

I try to refrain (sometimes unsuccessfully) from commenting on Facebook because it doesn’t seem like a good place for discussion. It is a great place to read arguments, though. The Kirkwood Neighbors page is a group of which I am (or was) a member, and it is a secret group because the neighbors of Kirkwood are planning to take over parts of the government using only baby strollers and mustache wax...or we would be if we weren’t spending so much time trying to find our lost pets.

I think I’m safe in saying that everyone in the group is an adult in age. Most have children. Some are exceedingly funny and people I’d probably be friends with if I didn’t have a suspicion that they wear skinny jeans and have shiny beards and wallet chains and are in business hand building velocipedes out of reclaimed pallet wood. As adults however, I’d expect far less whining than I see and possibly a little more thought and less emotion when reacting to a set of circumstances. I’d also expect them to be able to keep track of their damn pets.

There was a huge debate over Elmyriachi choosing to allow smoking on the patio. I’m not a smoker, so I’m not championing the cause. I don’t particularly care for the smell and if I’m around it too long I get a blinding headache. I also know that cigarettes are not illegal, and while they may kill the person who smokes them, not one single death certificate in the history of the whole world has ever been issued with “second hand smoke” as the cause of death (a doctor saying that second hand smoke may have contributed to blah blah blah doesn’t count). So yes, the commercials claiming 50,000 deaths a year are an abject lie.

Maybe it irritates people with asthma. Maybe it gives you a headache. Maybe you don’t want your baby breathing it (I’d love to spend an hour on people who insist on bringing their infants to bars and restaurants, but I’ll save it). If any of these is the case, you have roughly 5,000 smoke free options to patronize - some as close as 52 yards away. In fact, you can eat in the indoor section of that very restaurant - where smoking is not allowed. Or you could even order your Megarito Mole Supreme to go and eat it on your own smoke free patio at your house and dip it in a tiny plastic cup of your tears. No one is infringing on your human rights by lighting a cigarette. You aren’t that important. By the way...what is your opinion on people smoking pot all over the place? Is that okay? Will it continue to be okay until RJ Reynolds gets into the game? I have a feeling it will.

I’d like to live in a world where a guy who doesn’t pay child support feels more shame than a guy who chooses to smoke a cigarette in a public place that allows smoking. Unfortunately, the opposite seems to be true.

There was also an argument about a dog park in or near Oakhurst. Forgive me if I get a couple of the details wrong, but I’m not a journalist so I don’t have to be bothered with that. The main points are this - The Boys and Girls Club of Atlanta owns some land that I think is leased and maintained by the city, part of which is covered in cedar chips and dog crap and called a dog park. Dogs and their owners can go there and run and bark and hump their brains out. Dog parks are necessary and good and I’m in favor of them. I’m in favor of parks in general, but not to the exclusion of all else.

The Boys and Girls Club was offered money from a developer for roughly one third of the park. A wooded part that many claim is their dog’s favorite part of the park. Let’s be objective; you get to keep the other 2/3 of the park and use it essentially for free (or completely for free if you don’t pay taxes in the city in which it is located). I know I am supposed to hate businesses and humans and money and all of the things that keep the world going around, but I just can’t. If they sell an acre and build a million dollars worth of houses and people are employed to build said houses and said houses are occupied by folks who in turn have jobs and employ others and pay the absolutely insane taxes we pay in this part of town and in turn provide more money for maintaining the park, so be it. Sounds like a win. If your dog gets all butt hurt over it, give him a tennis ball. He’ll forget all about it.

The most ridiculous thing I read was that someone said we should boycott the Boys and Girls Club because they were selling an asset that they own in order to continue doing the good work they do FOR HUMANS because your dog now has 1 less acre in the city in which to sniff things. I love dogs. I have owned dogs for much of my life and considered them members of the family. But I like humans more. I guess that makes me insensitive.

Not to sound hyperbolical, but Isn’t it a tad hypocritical to claim to be all superliberal as is the fashion in Kirkwood, yet be selfish enough to put your dog’s interests above those of a kid getting a little extra structure in his or her life? I don’t know what the final verdict was on the issue. It will not have much effect on me either way. This has all been simply an observation.

Another observation: Pets have become more important than people. If someone finds an abused animal, everybody goes overboard with how horrible it is and how the perpetrator should do hard time. All true and I agree. Just like no animal should starve anywhere in the world and all babies should be happy. No Duh. Saying it doesn’t make you a hero, nor does it change the mind of anyone about your stance on starvation “Oh, I thought John was totally pro animal abuse, but he’s not. Good.” One of the funniest things I ever read on the Facebook page was someone saying “Just pretend it was a baby and you won’t get as upset.” Very astute.

In some of the same restaurants that will have their wait staff karate chop you to death if you even put batteries in your e-cigarette, there will be five dogs sitting next to their owners. Barking, shedding, slobbering, all the dog stuff. That’s just fine, apparently. It’s up to the owner of the restaurant and I’m not saying it’s right or wrong (although if your dog sits on the actual seats with his naked dog butt, it might be rad if you’d hit that area with a wet wipe before you leave) - it’s up to the owner of the business to allow this stuff. The libertarian in me is just screaming that the market will sort it out regardless of how I feel about it. If I don’t want to eat my nachos next to a springer spaniel, I’ll go somewhere else. That is why I have no feelings on the matter. Neither should you.