7 Reasons I Hate Running

I often get asked how I maintain my somewhat overweight figure, and besides genetics, it boils down to my refusal to run.  I know many of you can relate.  I can look in a mirror at my ever-expanding gut, think to myself that I need to “start running again” then sickeningly feel that deep and intense hatred I have for the self-torturing act called running.

Today I share 7 reasons why I hate running.

1. It is unnatural for me.  Some people look as if they were born to run.  I look as if I were born to lie down.  Running goes against all that is natural for me, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
2. I look like an idiot when I run.  Some people look like gazelles or cheetahs when they run.  I look like a ferret running on its hind legs.
3. Jesus didn’t run.  Since I am trying to follow the way of Jesus, I have to assume that I shouldn't run either.  Here’s my logic:
   1. The Bible records the important things that Jesus said and did.
   2. The Bible doesn’t record that Jesus ever ran.
   3. Since it is not in the Bible, running was not an important thing for Jesus.  Therefore, since I am trying to follow the ways of Jesus, not running is actually an act of devotion.
4. I’m slow.  I can’t even cross the street before the light changes back.  I was actually beaten by an ant once.  I mean it was a really fast ant, but still…
5. Time commitment.  Because of my advanced age (41), it actually takes me longer to prepare to run than the actual run.  After I run 2 miles in an hour and a half, I have to wait an hour to cool down so that I can take a shower.
6. Body pains.  I can handle the shin splints, back pains, blisters, and cramps, but I can’t get past the chafing.  (If you’re not sure what “chafing” is, please don’t search google images.)
7. Internal tension.  At about .4 miles, I have an internal argument about why in the world this is good for me.  It goes something like this:

Body – This is stupid, what are you doing to me? 

Brain – This is good for you.  It will help give you stamina.

Body – I don’t need stamina, I need a coke.

Brain – But you don’t want to be fat do you?

Body – I’m fine with that.

Brain – But you need to be healthy for your family.

Body – No I don’t.  I have a good life insurance policy.

Brain – Just a bit further.  Hang in there.

Body – But I just need a little break, then I can run faster in a few minutes.

Brain – Don’t stop.  It will be hard to get started again.

Body – Hey, why don’t you just think about what you can write for your blog post while I take a little break.

Brain – I do want to write something about fantasy football, and… Hey, wait a second!  Nice try, body.

Are you a runner?  Can we still be friends even if I think you are insane?