The Wheels on the Bus Go Not At All

In my last post, I wrote about a super cool, uber-nerdy trip I took to Washington DC. In a fit of poor planning, I came home on a Tuesday and then went back the following Saturday on a trip which, if it bore any resemblance to the previous trip, was purely coincidental: yes, I was one of several chaperones on the Sharon Elementary School Safety Patrol’s trip to our nation’s capital.

I can't really say I was looking forward to the twelve hour bus ride. I don't guess a whole lot of explanation is necessary as to why. But nonetheless, at 8:20 on the Saturday after the last day of school, we headed to the school to catch the bus. On the way, my son warned me not to be 'me' too much in front of his friends. I'd told him I'd try my best, but I made no promises, since four days is a long time.  That's what I said.  What I thought was, "Whoo hoo! I have done my job! I am a complete embarrassment to my children! They are normal!"

Even under the best of circumstances, this was a planned 12 hour bus ride with 24 eleven year olds, three quarters of whom hit puberty last Thursday and aren't entirely sure what to do with the hormone surge. I wrote earlier about how my reading materials were limited on the trip. In addition to being warned about the appropriateness of our reading materials, we were also warned about the bus 'comfort facilities.' Since this would be the bus we drove around DC in, and the bus we spent 12 hours driving home one, we were asked please please please not to make any unnecesssary 'deposits', as they would be lugged around with us for the remainder of our trip. 

I was specifically in charge of my son, JD, and his best buddy, who for reasons I can only guess at is referred to as "Beanie", on this trip.  JD and Beanie chose the very last row of seats. I tried to veto their choice, given the proximity to the, um, deposit box, but was outvoted. So we sat. Not surprisingly, no one else came to join us, and I was at least happy to have a seat to myself. I pulled my book and my computer out of my backpack and settled down for a few hours. I pulled out my reading glasses and slipped the chain around my neck to hold them there. A girl whose name I did not know said, "Oh! I like the chain around your glasses!" I said, "Thank you. I like it too, but my kids make fun of it." She said, "No.  I would totally wear that except I'm not old." Thanks for the compliment, kid.

I looked out the window as we pulled out of the school parking lot.  We made a left on to Sharon Church Road from the school and waited at the red light on the corner.  The bus crossed the intersection and then began to groan.  We coasted to a stop on the side of the road, blocking the entire northbound side of the road, and the bus shut off.  I heard the driver turn the ignition a few times with no success.  We were about a mile from my house.  The announcement came.  "We are experiencing technical difficulties.  No one get off the bus."

At this point, I threw back my head and laughed. I laughed so hard and so loud that some other girl I didn't know sitting a row ahead of me turned around and said, "What is wrong with you?" I said, "Don't you think this is funny?" And laughed some more. I honestly thought we'd get out of our hometown before people realized how truly insane I was. 

About a half hour later we were allowed to get off the bus. We all stood in the front of someone's yard and prayed they wouldn't come out and yell at us or worse yet wielding a shotgun. I called my husband and asked him to come by with a toolbox, a cup of coffee, and, oh yeah, wear a cape. He came with coffee and a rubber mallet and a soccer ball for the kids to kick around while they waited, but no cape, which is just as well, since he did not heroically fix the bus for us.  Naturally, since this is end of school season, there were no other buses in the area, so the bus company sent a mechanic who, for two hours, every time we called was "fifteen minutes away."

And then it started to rain. We all piled back on the bus for another 45 minutes or so, and, since the bus was non-operational, we had no air conditioning. 80 degree weather plus enclosed, glassed in vehicle, plus forty kids and adults, equals a fragrance that cannot be compared. We all made a vow to deposit as much as we could on this bus, so none of it would be on the new bus.

Eventually, a new bus came, and it is, so far, completely functional. We are, as I type, a few miles north of Charlotte, North Carolina, albeit about three hours after we should have been here. I have to say, but for the quality of the kids and grownups on this bus, it could have been much worse. There was no rioting, no screaming, no irate people making impossible demands. We all seemed to understand that this was no one's fault, and just one of those things that happens from time to time if you live long enough. In fact the only one who made any high-decibel noise about it was me, when I humiliated my son by spontaneously laughing from deep in my belly about the absurdity of the whole thing. 

So kudos to these students and parents in my community. I am now looking forward to the rest of the ride. I can only imagine how much more blog fodder I will get out of it.

Note: This post is part one in a three part series about the trip.