How to Outlive Your Life By Lewis J. Walker, CFP(R)

When you depart Mother Earth for the great beyond, what do you leave behind? Traditional estate planning deals with “stuff,” distributing lifetime accumulations—money, investments, real estate, business interests, insurance proceeds, valued personal property. Less discussed is “legacy,” what loved ones and others remember, values and ethics passed to successive generations. You live on in memories, wisdom and life lessons that stand as examples to others.

On a spring break trip with my son’s family, while sitting on a coconut palm lined golden beach in the Caribbean, my daughter-in-law said about my 10 year old grandson, “He loves his grampa!” While taking my 9 year old granddaughter to religious instruction at church, she gave me a hug and said, “I love you, grandpa!”

When you measure time in terms of fast growing children and grandchildren, you realize how quickly days slip by. With grandchildren ranging in age from 7 to 12, it struck me that in ten blazingly short years, those children will be 17 to 22. They’ll be busy with their own lives, just like we were at that stage. They will still love their parents and grandparents, but they won’t be so “huggy” anymore. When you consider the clash between time and life’s demands relative to children and grandchildren, Harry Chapin’s 1974 classic hit, Cat’s In the Cradle, comes to mind!

A recent question to Quentin Fottrell, “The Moneyologist,” was thought provoking. The women wrote, “My (widowed) father excluded my siblings from his will—should I give them money?” (www.marketwatch.com, 4/1/16). While there were sundry factors, including strained relationships between dad and some offspring, there was no pat answer. Clearly, the favored daughter was in a “no win” situation.

With extended life spans, children, grandchildren, even great-grandchildren, may be in the picture. Divorce, remarriage, and blended families may complicate matters. There may be children or adults with special needs that require help and resources. One child may become a caregiver, thinking he or she is entitled to more versus faraway or unhelpful siblings.

There may be assets better passed to one or more heirs versus others. Family business interests, a vacation home, farm, valuable artwork, other cherished items, may be a source of conflict. Life insurance may be an answer to fund trusts or compensate heirs who may not receive a specific asset such a business interest or real estate. During life grandparents might have contributed to educational or other needs of grandchildren. There may be a desire to balance that out relative to bequests to other heirs at death.

As parents and grandparents live longer and potentially more robust lives, there is a growing desire to share experiences and create lasting memories. Family reunions and the taking of children and grandchildren on trips is a fast growing segment of travel. Just being present is important—school plays, recitals, graduations, religious milestones, weddings, birthdays.

Most important is “the family care conversation,” a gift of clarity and peace of mind for those you love and those who love you. Death is a certainty, only timing is unknown short of a terminal diagnosis. We know that impairment and a period of dependence is a possibility prior to death. What arrangements have you made for long term care, powers of attorney for assets and health care, advance directives, wills and trusts, military service benefits? What do you want loved ones to know about your net worth and your thinking as to bequests to individuals and perhaps charities? Does the “go to” adult child or other trusted person who may have to step in given a crisis know where key documents are? Know your wishes? What is your money for?

Mom and dad, you love your children, but you don’t want to live with them or be a problem for them. Most adult children are not so much interested in an inheritance as they are in wanting you to be happy and independent. They are not going to bring up “the conversation” as they don’t want to seem predatory. It is up to you to initiate a family discussion centered on your plans for dealing with the challenges of aging and your passing. Financial planners often work with clients in facilitating family meetings.

The father who disinherited children to favor one child, left behind resentment, anger, a fractured family, a daughter in an agonizing position. Sadly, it was not a legacy of love.

Lewis Walker is President of Walker Capital Management, LLC. Securities and advisory services offered through The Strategic Financial Alliance, Inc. (SFA). Lewis Walker is a registered representative and investment adviser representative of SFA which is otherwise unaffiliated with Walker Capital Management, LLC.